The task of Adolescence is to become independent: Implication #2

It is important to help parents to accept the process of independence, letting go but not too soon or too easily. This can be done in parenting classes, counseling sessions and casual conversations. This is hard for parents and a never ending process of adjustment. I use the analogy of horse training. The horse (youth) is put on a close tether and then as they walk around the course slowly they are given more and more rope (freedom) until they have it down and the tether can be omitted.

With teens, they need to be on a short leash as a 6^th grader, but given freedom slowly until by the end of their Senior year they are on their own.

Even for things a parent doesn't have any problem with, there should be resistance from the parent, on principle. As an example: Facebook

• The parent should wait for it to come up, not offer it
• Initially resist it as if it was a big deal.
• After a reasonable amount of whining and “everybody does it” sit down and negotiate limits and practices
• Then relent