A Substitute Activity:

The Surprise:

Have an expected, truly enjoyable activity when a less attractive activity was publicized.

The activity can be as simple as a volleyball game or going out to eat, or as elaborate as a road trip to a concert or theme park.

Why do this Surprise?

• This becomes a reward for the faithful who come regardless of the activity.
• This will mute the common complaint of the regulars concerning those who only come for the "fun" activities.
• This will provide a little more incentive to come regularly, rather than miss a surprise activity like this.

How to do the Surprise:

As with everything else, the surprise should be thought through – is the destination actually available at this time? Are there enough drivers? Is there any special equipment needed?

If you are going to something that requires money, you or the church will need to provide that money, since many kids may come without cash and a few may come without discretionary funds available – they might not be able to afford it.

Finally, if the activity will require more time that they expect or will be taking them some distance from where the parents think their child is, have each youth call home to tell of the change of plans. In all cases when leaving the premises, leave a note on the door as to where you will be. It is also wise to have one driver hang back for 15 minutes to gather any stragglers.

What to Avoid:

• Replacing a program or activity that some of the youth really were looking forward to – if nothing else, at least promise to carry it out at another time.
• Having a substitute event that might not be appreciated by some of the youth or their parents (such as a Rock concert).

Variations:

• Start the stated meeting then break it in mid sentence and announce the change in plans.
• Start a tradition of surprise "road trips" that are randomly scattered through the year.
• After doing a few "road trips" take suggestions on where to go, what to do.

principles of ministry: Instinct vs knowledge and training

Instinct vs knowledge and training. This is rather philosophical for this blog, but is still an important topic for every youth worker to think about.

• Some people do have good instincts. But even the best will some instinctively do the wrong things, even a bad thing. Instinct needs to be tempered by reason
• Some people do not have good instincts and must rely on knowledge and training. These people often do less harm.
• Regardless of whether relying on instinct or conscious choice, decisions should always be made in advance so there is time to rethink, adjust or reject.
• One should always be thinking ahead: “if we do X, then these are the possible outcomes and consequences”
• Try to always have someone else around to double check your decisions
• Never plan on “winging it” even if you are good at that. You probably aren't as good at it as you think you are
• Sometimes we have to run on instinct because the situation wasn't as expected or planned, such as when someone is injured. However, if you have planned ahead, nailed down all that you can nail down, then your instinct can focus on the unexpected and not be overwhelmed by trying to decide too many things at once
• As I'll talk about in other posts, surprise activities need to be surprises to others, not you. They should be carefully planned out. (Favorite example: planning to surprise a group by taking them out for ice cream, only to get there and find that a) they're closed; b) they don't take credit cards)

Small Youth group activities

• Do not meet regularly and consistently. This can get discouraging
• Have a regular, perhaps monthly, special activity. The group can put together a list of such activities at the beginning of the year
• Make it clear that friends are invited to all activities
• Have spur of the moment outings
• Gather informally before or after congregational events
• Participate in congregational events together
• Have an event before or after school events such as a ball game or concert
• Go to the State Fair or a neighborhood carnival together
• Go to concerts together

Rules for driving vans

1. Use only drivers over 25 years of age.
   
2. Train the drivers on the basics of van driving. Have them test drive the van to get familiar with its blind-spots and handling. They are all different.
   
3. Do not overload or even fully load a van, keep the weight toward the front and do not put anything on top.
   
4. For highway driving, a traditional 15 passenger van should not carry more than 11 fully grown people.
   
5. Maintain the van carefully, especially the tires.
   
6. Vans do not like going sideways. Avoid even the possibility. Keep in mind centrifugal force. Curves are the most dangerous. Lane changes are the next most dangerous.
   
7. KEEP THE PASSENGERS BELTED. Whether they like it or not.
   
8. Make sure the driver is rested and alert.
9. Stop and change drivers every 2 hours. (With that many bladders, you'll probably have to stop that often anyway...)
10. Have someone riding “shotgun” who'll talk to the driver and handle communication with passengers and with other vehicles in the caravan.

In case of snow:

If case of snow, don't cancel, just adjust:

• Plastic table cloth sledding
• Snow fort building contest
• Set up a hot chocolate stand on the street for passer-byes
• Snow angels; think of other images that can be put in the snow
• Snow ice cream (avoid the yel... you that already)
• Grab snow shovels and earn the group some money clearing sidewalks
• Other ideas?

Reasons for surpirses: #7

If the surprise activities are successful, it will encourage kids to come to regular events - because there might be a surprise and they do not want to be left out. Some surprises are "entry level" activities for outsiders and the inactive. Things such as the surprise breakfast, or one of the parties makes it easy for someone to "go along just to see what is happening" without any obligation or sense of connectedness. Of course it is up to the regular group at the surprise to make a connection during the event!

Lost and found

Lost clothes and other items accumulate rapidly. Have a policy of periodically advertizing what has been left and then dispose of the items, probably to the area community clothes closet. These things are just clutter.   
Put dishes, equipment, etc into use. 
Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for disposing of an expensive jacket that has been there for six months -- its their problem.
 

One advantage for a small youth group: Acceptance

A large youth group is generally viewed by the congregation as a whole, as a thing, a separate body, a budget line item, a source of wait staff for congregational meals, but not as a part of the congregation. A small group can become an integral part of a congregation. They can, collectively and individually, be involved in every aspect of congregational life. Everyone in the congregation can know each youth by name. There can be real relationships across the ages. The “it takes a village” phenomenon becomes real. This then can translate into strong support for the youth and the youth program. So, for example, appeals for financial help for trips, conferences and retreats are received well and will result in enough help to make the event happen.

Policy for music/videos/video games

You may need a policy about videos/music/games that are are acceptable. For youth work you really need to work with a “least common denominator” position: P or possibly PG for videos, E10+ or possibly T for video games, no “explicit lyrics” for music. This may frustrate the youth who'll say (true or not) that they get to watch X rated movies at home, but it is better than having some parent go ballistic and pull their child out of the program. Just explain the reasoning behind the policy to the youth.

Youth room furniture

Turn down hand-me-down furniture. This gives the youth the impression that this is all they are worth. They also will not respect such furniture and it becomes a disaster very quickly. If the youth get to pick out and purchases new furniture (even if it is inexpensive) or be creative in making their own furnishings, they will respect it and it will last many times longer.

Texting

Texting is now an essential means of communication. As with all other forms, it needs to be used well.

• Texting a whole group of people is impractical, but youth generally don't check their email very often. However, text messages can be sent to sub groups and/or your entire group using your email client and SMS. You need their cell phone number and their carrier. Then look up their carrier's SMS address and add it to the phone number. e.g. 5551231234@vtext.com (Verizon) Put these addresses in an email group address list. Then you can do an email to the group and it will be texted to those youth. Keep in mind that some SMS systems have character limits so you cannot send long messages (hence the name: Short Message Service – duh).
  
• Don't text the kids during school hours in case they forget to turn their phones off and they get in trouble. (Although this can be entertaining...)
  
• If youth don't show up for an important meeting, such as a training program, find one of the kids that did show up who have the missing youth(s) cell phone # and have them text them to see if they are coming. This usually gets results.
  
• Avoid texting too often.
  

Sacrificing for our youth: Control

Youth workers tend to be take charge kinds of people, if not control freaks. But there are many reasons for tempering these tendencies. Early in my ministry I realized this tendency in me when, on a retreat, I had an activity planned that would be fun and interesting when I discovered that part of the group had started that activity during free time. That really messed up my plans. I was furious, and finally blurted out (to the amusement of the youth standing nearby) “How dare they not read my mind.” After that I worked at being more flexible. Some basic observations:

• We do need to be in control enough to prevent disaster. Even when we are being laid back and just watching the action, we are not off duty. We need to be thinking ahead for possible problems and issues. Sometimes we can just help the youth or youth leaders make adjustments to keep things going in a healthy direction. Sometimes we need to intervene. Whether we identify the danger or not depends on the situation. Sometimes we just have to be the bad guy.
• Most things we want to control aren't that important. Enough said.
• The natural, “I'm head elephant and you are not” reaction. Controllers have an innate, emotional reaction to someone usurping their authority or challenging their authority. This can lead to unnecessary confrontations. If you are the boss, if you have the authority, you really don't need to defend it. Ultimately, if you need to say “this is how it is, everyone get with the program” you can do so. But the more you use that authority the less powerful you become. Save it for the big things.
• Delegate, delegate, delegate. As I've said elsewhere, delegate everything you can, even if you can do it better, faster, easier; even if it is something you enjoy doing. There are so many things that need to be done in every situation that it is wasteful for you to do something someone else can do.
• It may feel good to have everyone dependent on you, but what if you need to be gone? What if you break you leg on a trip?
• You need to help youth experience success and failure and learn how to be in control – some day they will be in control, will they be ready for it? If we are truly serving our youth and not ourselves, we need to help them become leaders and self-sufficient. They can learn some things by modeling, but much of what they need to learn they need to learn by doing. I've seen youth groups do amazing things with little direction, because they have had the practice and guidance earlier.
• If 2 heads is better than 1, 10 heads can be 10 times greater – as long as it is organized and ordered. Your job is to organize and direct, let them do the thinking, creating, and decision making.

Promoting your youth: pictures on walls

Line dull, blank halls of the church with photos of youth events and youth in action. Print on plain paper and mount on poster board, attach with a non marking sticky system. These pictures are light so it isn't necessary to have real hangers.
If someone objects, offer to share the walls with other groups (they probably won't take the time to put together the pictures.) But keep insisting that “dull, blank hall walls” are an eye-sore and a turn-off for visitors.

Kidnap a kid surprise activity (don't guess what this means, read it)

The Surprise:

This is an old standby used for years by church youth groups. If used carefully it is a worthwhile idea. Because this idea has been used rather widely, however, it has been misused many times and has a bad reputation in some circles. As with all ideas on this , this idea simply needs to be used with some sensitivity. See below for some of the fishhooks in the activity.

How to do the Surprise:

Determine that someone needs to be at the meeting but may not be coming or hasn't come. If the group has a good relationship with the person in question and the person has a reasonably good sense of humor, then call the person and say "we're coming to get you, get your shoes on." Listen to excuses and assess the seriousness of them – they may legitimately need to miss the meeting. On the other hand, they might also appreciate the attention and a break from whatever they are doing. If you are kidnapping more than one person, be sure to mention that and the reason for the action. If this is being used as a recruitment tool, say so. The more honest you are with the person, the better they will feel about it, even if they end up turning you down.

What to avoid:

Undue or overbearing pressure. You want the person to feel special, not abused. Sometimes the desire to carry out a program of this sort (it is fun for all) can blind people to the victim's real needs or concerns. If they are adamant about not coming, honor that decision.

• Be sensitive to parent issues, ask the person in question to "tell your parents that we're coming" in case a parent has grounded that youth for next 15 years and will be gracious but furious when you have undercut their decision.
• Over use, which dulls the impact and makes victims feel less important rather than more important – viewing it as just one more "program" of the church.
• Kidnapping a person, then ignoring them once they are at the meeting. Maybe the reason they weren't coming is that they didn't feel comfortable with the group in the first place. Unless such problems are dealt with, the kidnapping will simply be social abuse.
• As a part of the process, humiliating a kid or making them feel guilty for having missed the meeting. Some youth turn "we miss you" into an accusatory "why aren't you here?" It is important that the conversation telling them of their approaching kidnapping be positive, lighthearted and caring. Let them know in words and inflection that they are missed and that you will go out of your way to have them come – if it is all right with them.
• Beware of having special kidnap evenings where a number of people are picked up. If someone hears about it that was not kidnapped, they may have their feelings hurt for being left out.

Variations:

• A non-meeting event, like going out for ice cream.
• An event where having additional people is important such as a work project or a special game.
• Have everyone in the group each call and go get one other person.

One advantage of a small youth group: Individuality

The youth are not just a part of a group but can be recognized and accepted as an individual. They can have a significant place in the life of the group and in the life of the congregation. Their particular skills can be generally known and their contributions generally recognized. It is most healthy for a youth to grow up with the ego-building knowledge of being a worthwhile individual rather than one member of a mob.Make sure the special skills are used somewhere somehow

• Recruit them for specific jobs but also specifically recruit them to participate in congregational activities
•  Contact them periodically just to chat
• Highlight their accomplishments on a bulletin board at the church
• Recognize them in worship for anything of consequence

communicating with the youth

At the beginning of the year or whenever you will see most of the youth, have them sign up for their preferred means of communications. Most do not use email now, but some do. Some are on Facebook, some are not. Some do not text, but most do...
On the Documents page of this blog is a sample spreadsheet that gathers this information.

Work groups for longer trips

One counselor is assigned to a work group task, but the preset groups of kids rotate from task to task so that they all get to do each of the tasks at least once and to interact with each counselor. Some standard tasks: Worship, Cleanup, Meals, Packing/Unpacking. (As I've said many times before, it is important that the YOUTH do the work, not the adult.)

Some Facebook hints

Most of this will be obvious to most, but in keeping with providing hints just in case someone hadn't thought of it:

• Once you are a part of a youth's social network, be prepared to ignore potentially shocking posts. Youth just don't think about who may be reading their posts and are likely to say anything to impress their peers.
  
• For good or for ill they usually view their posts as being directed to a specific not the general population. They view Facebook as their private system. It is sometimes worth “liking” or responding to an innocent post to remind them that you and others are able to see their posts.
  
• Be very hesitant to insert yourself into discussions or comment on posts. They are very sensitive to being “stalked” even though they friended you.
  
• Watch for serious concerns, but try to not raise your concerns on the site. If necessary, email them, or better yet speak to them personally. Try not to indicate where you got your information.
  
• You can learn a lot about a kid by watching their posts, but, again, don't put too much stock in any one post.
  
• They quote song fragments a lot and don't use quotation marks so it is easy to misunderstand a post.
  

Promotion of youth and the your program

A youth program should not be allowed to work in a vacuum or be pushed off to the periphery of a church, only called upon when an event needs waiters or cleanup help. Part of of being recognized as an important ministry of a church is to be visible.

• Try to establish a bulletin board in a very public place to post photos and publicity for events.
• Have this bulletin board display all newspaper articles mentioning any youth associated with the church. 
•  Depending on the size of the church you may need to limit the age range.
• Some schools will put you on their mailing list for the school newspaper or district newsletter.

When a group needs to be surprised: #6

Surprise activities become topics of conversation and points of common interest that bind the kids together. While the surprise is happening, they are held together by their common sense of mutual insecurity and interdependence that they would not have in a normal setting. Many of the social structures and strictures of the school and community break down in mildly stressing situations. After they surprise is over, those that participated have something in common to talk about, even if they have little else in common.

One advantage of a small youth group: Flexibility

With large groups anything you do is like a troop movement. With a small group you can turn on a dime.

• Coming back from a mission activity you can, on the spur of the moment, stop for ice cream.
• If a topic of concern for the few that are there comes up you can go with it
• If the entire group is there or you only have to call a couple of people you can schedule an event for the next day or the coming week-end it is quite doable

Learn to be light on your feet and take advantage of this flexibility

Freebies

I've added two freebies on the Documents page of this blog.  (Ignore the Communications spreadsheet for now -- I'll introduce that later).
One is a sample Sound Scavenger Hunt the other is a sample list of supplies for a First Aid Kit for trips and camps.

Start of the program year event

At least once a year have an event, perhaps a beginning of the year picnic, that is clearly not related to “youth group” “Sunday School” or other specific activity.

• Call each youth in the week before to personally invite them. Besides assuring a good turn out, this will clean up your rolls (disconnected phone number, “we don't go there anymore,” etc).
  
• have all who work with youth in any capacity be there to hang out with the kids. Introduce them to the group as a whole, give them 30 seconds to speak to the group.
  
• Have youth who have participated in particular events lined up to tell about the event.(Warn them to focus their remarks on the good things, and not go on and on about the heat or mosquitoes.)
  
• Have PowerPoint shows scattered around on laptops or projectors showing last year's events
  
• Have sign up sheets for events and particular needs, e.g.: Child Care workers; Sound system; Church School teachers; Any other service opportunities for youth available in your church.
  

If you have found any of these posts to be useful... Pass the word to others

Sacrificing for our youth: Marriage

No you do not have to sacrifice your marriage for the youth. In fact, a healthy marriage truly helps youth ministry in so many ways. However there are few things we do or don't do that can be harmful to the youth. These things simply can't happen.

• Fighting in public. No matter how mad you all may be, it can't be done where the kids witness or hear about it – unless they also see, immediately, the reconciliation. Modeling good conflict resolution is a good thing.
• Talking bad about one's spouse
• Public Displays of Affection that are out of keeping for the local society. You also have to take into consideration your age – is it considered appropriate for people your age?
• Do be publicly affectionate, however. Model healthy love.
• On trips and retreats, you probably will be in separate sleeping quarters, not so much for proprieties sake but to supervise the youth. You may not want to do this, but be practical...

youth can learn things that don't actually make sense to them

Younger youth can learn vocabulary and ideas that don't really make sense to them or have any real meaning. This can be misleading.

• This applies to psychological and group dynamics language that are really for older youth. Younger youth can spout it back but it has no real meaning to them.
  
• They can learn abstract language and concepts, but these are only by rote, the underlying meaning is beyond them. (A favorite story: a group of Middle Schoolers were talking about the Narnia Series. One commented that it was, of course, an allegory. They had learned this in school. Then sheepishly admitted “we have no idea what allegory means.”)
  

when a kid doesn't like yoiu

No one will connect with every kid. There will always be incompatibilities, misunderstandings, unfortunate misperceptions, and whatever else that cause two people to not get along. This is natural, it will happen to the best of us. Maybe the disconnect can be corrected over time, but in the meantime, make sure there is someone on the team that can connect with those you do not. And don't worry about it. You can make it worse by trying to force the relationship. In the end the important thing is that every youth feels at home in the church and their non-relationship with you doesn't get in the way.

Prize surprises: A Human Sexuality Retreat at a Theme Park

This comes under the heading of a surprising element to a normal activity rather than as something that comes as a surprise (i.e. DO NOT HAVE A SURPRISE HUMAN SEXUALITY CLASS/RETREAT! :) ).

Without going into the need for a program on Human Sexuality or the content of such as class, this is merely a suggestion for an unusual but successful format for such a program. Some of the problems associated with H.S. Classes are:

• Teens who do not want to admit that they have anything to learn on the subject
• Teens who don't want to talk about the subject – especially with adults – especially with church adults.
• If it is a multi-session program then different youth will come to different sessions, breaking continuity and trust building.
• These classes sometimes generate a lot of tension needing release.

A solution to all of these things is to combine the program with a fun retreat. This may draw youth that might not sign up for such a course or at least give the youth an "excuse" for attending. Combining the two events brings all of the group building and society escaping benefits of a retreat, and it provides a fun and safe break from an otherwise heavy subject. The specific solution that I have used is to combine a weekend Human Sexuality Retreat with a trip to a theme park.

How to do the Surprise:

Step one is to locate a theme park within a couple hours drive that has a nearby church or retreat facility that will allow the group to spend the weekend and have the classes. Only one of the theme parks I have used or contacted had a meeting room that we could use. We always had to have the classes outside of the park. Most theme parks allow for Day Passes or other system of reentry into the park, but it is important to know for sure that reentry is possible and how it works for the particular park.

Recruitment. Use whatever criteria you use for recruiting leaders for the classes. Then you need adult or young adult leadership in addition in order to give the teachers a break also.

Since I have always had a double retreat – with Senior Highs and Middle Schoolers at the same weekend and place, the extra leadership was an absolute, for we would have the Senior Highs in a Session while the Middle Schoolers were in the park, then we would swap the two groups and continue. We simply had a team of leaders permanently stationed in the theme park, keeping in touch with that group and negotiating the hand off at the appropriate times.

Publicity that is centered on the Human Sexuality aspect for the parents and publicity that is centered on the retreat aspect (but clearly mentioning the Human Sexuality program) needs to be started early and done continuously. You probably will need to have an absolute deadline in order to order discounted tickets and to order any materials needed.

I usually have a parent's meeting where I distribute the parent's book and my own outline of what will be covered in the classes as well as suggestions for follow-up discussions with their children.

On the retreat itself, we usually have a late night learning session and worship on Friday night, then hit the park first thing in the morning (when the lines are a little shorter – we do all the popular rides then). After a couple of hours, then we leave the park and go to the meeting room and have another session. Then back into the park for lunch. And so forth through the day. Sunday morning for our group is worship in the host church, go out to eat and then return home.

What to avoid:

• Do not underplay or hide the Human Sexuality part of the program. Kids do not like being surprised about this subject and if they feel like they've been tricked by you or their parents they can make a mess of the program. This is a little different than if they are there under duress – if their parents "made them come" (which is sometimes a convenient excuse and teen defense mechanism) you can be sympathetic and encourage them to make the most of the situation, since it is not your fault.
• Keeping a good balance between the sessions and the time in the park is delicate and may have to be adjusted depending on how things work out. I generally plan a session for 1 ½ hours then time in the park or other recreation for 2 hours. Sometimes they want to extend a session, and they almost always want to extend their time in the theme park. However, the whole process is exhausting for everyone, and I have had groups vote not to return to the theme park on Saturday night, because they were simply worn out. 
• The number of times in and out of the park may have to be adjusted if the meeting room is not very close to the theme park. However, I have always found an accommodating church within five minutes of each park which allows more flexibility.

Variations:

There are many fun things that can be interspersed such as:

• High ropes (challenge/adventure) course at a retreat center.
• Skiing
• Boating
• Mission work – doing the project during the day and classes in the evening (but exhaustion can nullify the classes...)