An annoying youth on a trip

On a trip, when people are shut up for long periods during travel, sometimes, there is a particularly difficult youth that is driving the other kids or the driver crazy or when two or more youth are a particularly bad combination, you may need to force a shuffle. You may find a driver or a youth that can handle an annoying youth (but don't let this be a parent). However, no one should have to be annoyed continually on a trip.

Staying in an unfamiliar church building

On trips when you use a church unknown to the youth there are a number of considerations for making good use:

• Scout out the church on arrival. You may need to make some spaces off limits for wild games (like Sardines). Some places need to be avoided altogether.
  
• Find equably comfortable spaces for sleeping in. The sleeping rooms are to be off-limits, including during games.
  
• Establish a good common room for worship, Bible Study, wild games, and hanging out.
  
• Scout out the kitchen to see what it does or doesn't have.
  
• Find cleaning supplies.
  
• Most churches do not have showers, so plan on that.
  
• Play Sardines, preferably in the middle of the night. If you don't know the game, check Wikipedia and read the “Hide and Seek” version. (A freebee hint on Sardines – have the first person to find the sardine become the next sardine, not the last person, as it is commonly played, but, as with the traditional version, the next round is started only after everyone has found and hidden with the sardine.)
  
• Make sure the church is put back together and is cleaner than you found it so that yours or other groups will be allowed to stay there in the future.
  

Some general principles for handling disasters on a trip

To keep an experience such as related in the previous posts from being the disaster it could have been:

• Remain calm ... It'll all work out somehow, and if you remain calm the kids are more likely to remain calm. If you are worried, they'll be worried, if you are angry, they'll get angry.
• ... But be honest with the kids. Trying to gloss over or pretend everything is OK is wasted energy, reduces the trust level and leaves you isolated. The kids need to know what's going on when things have gone awry.
• Follow the general principles for youth ministry. For example, I could safely leave the group to try to work out problems because I had enough counselors.
• Always keep the safety and sense of security of the young people firmly in mind at all times. If the planned activity is becoming risky, bail out without apology; if a backup plan being considered has not been researched thoroughly and is questionable in your mind, do something else. Don't be afraid to cancel an activity if you can tell the parents that it was for the safety of their children - they will be happier with you if you seem to be overprotective than if a child is injured or frightened.
• Always have a few backup activities and plans:
• Even though they are not thrilling to the youth, I always locate a museum, park, historical site and other such "tourist" items that we can go to if we end up with too much time on our hands.
• Have a storehouse of stupid games to play.
• Pizza is usually a good fallback activity and takes time.
• On trips, I carry a catalog case crammed with arts, crafts, worship resources, pens, paper, etc. - and lots and lots of games and toys.

A Surprise surprise

On a snowy afternoon with everything canceled, maybe I'll break with practice and give an extended narrative:

A Surprise surprise

Even the best planned and worked out activity can go awry and being able to handle surprises is important for all people doing youth work. Perhaps a way of illustrating what can go wrong and some of the principles of handling the unexpected would be to tell of such an experience that I have gone through.

The Unknown Destination Trip from ...

I should have known what the weekend was going to be like in the first two hours: we gathered and packed the van in a driving, miserable rain, drove down to the first stop in terrible traffic - and couldn't find the first stop. After driving around trying to find the street or even someone to ask, we found someone who gave us exact instructions - which led us out of the area (and away from our destination) and into a tangle of roads around an airport. An hour later we worked our way back to the area, found someone else and made our way to the first stop. Unfortunately, there had been a massive electrical fire in the area and the place was without power. Even though this was to be our primary activity for the weekend, as well as our supper and our overnight lodging, we were not even allowed into the building.

We were able finally able to locate another place to stay the night, and at 9:30pm, after four hours in a van we had supper at a McDs and settled in for the night in the lounge areas of a dorm. And at long last we were ready for the worship service that we were told would be provided. Unfortunately, the person assigned to us was never told this and had nothing prepared. So, while the kids entertained themselves, we developed a service. We did sleep well that night, and our hosts provided us with a nice breakfast. Things were looking up. We were able to use the original facility for a while that morning, although the kids were not really in the mood for the activity by then.

The next item on the agenda was to go to a large downtown church that was being remodeled to serve as a community center. The plan was to do some cleanup work there, to play games in the gym, and finally to shower in the locker rooms off the gym. Again the contact person who was to work with us never really got the message and didn't show up. (Here's one of the places where rigidity on my part worked against us - leaving the group in the van with the other counselor and with little to do I worked doggedly to make this part of the program to work out). After an hour and a half delay, we were in the building and ready to begin work. The work was actually fun for the group since we got to take everything out of the old Sunday School area, toss everything down a stairwell and then out the door and into a dumpster. There is nothing like the sound of a piano banging down 5 flights of stairs!

While this was going on I checked out the rest of the building and discovered that the gym floor was so badly water damaged and warped that there wasn't any way we could play games there, nor did the locker rooms have water. So much for recreation and getting cleaned up. Fortunately we had a couple of backup plans, although they were not all that exciting.

Finally, I had been told that we would be taken to a Portuguese restaurant run by members of the church. It sounded comfortable and interesting. However, we were mistakenly taken to a very high class restaurant. The restaurant personnel were gracious but not thrilled with having a group of (unwashed) middle school youth.

All in all, we found that we survived the weekend. The kids still all talk about this great adventure we went on, as if it were something very special. I have to admit, it did bring that group of kids very close to each other! Maybe the objectives of the trip were met in spite of everything.

A later post will have principles for handling situations like this.

Broadly graded: youth teach youth model

This is not nearly as controversial as it was when I started youth ministry. Actually, one of my 70 year old teachers had started teaching as a teenager. It is not a new concept. But some churches haven't tried it and assume the worst. I had one person leave our church, incensed because we had an elementary class being taught by youth (there was an adult on the team but he often missed because the youth had everything under control). The class was noisy, with lots of movement and activity, but the youth leading the class were all experienced teachers and knew what they were doing and worked from lesson plans. As an observer of all my classes I can say that those children learned more than the other classes. In subsequent posts I'll give practical hints on implementing this model effectively.

Two essential elements for a Confirmation program

Two activities that I think should be givens for a full scale Confirmation program:

• Regardless of the style of program, if you have more than 4 youth, consider a retreat or lock-in at the beginning to create a sense of community.
• Have a larger project sometime during the program that the youth decide upon, plan and execute with little adult direction. Once they have accomplished it they will feel better about themselves and each other and it will prove that they are, indeed, ready to be adult members of the church. I have found these to be particularly helpful in the first part of the program because it bonds the group
• Both of these activities give the group some common event to tie them together and to talk about when they have nothing else in common.

Indoor Frisbee and other ways of filling dead spots

For those times we've all experienced: The program didn't show up or is running late; the program is bombing; the program didn't take as long as we thought, have an unusual activity or game always on the ready.

How to do the surprise:

Keep a list of easy to do games in mind or on paper. I try to always have a list of some old favorite and some new games on my agenda. For special events, I will have a number of Koosh balls stashed in various places ready to pull out and put to use. Another item I keep handy (I even keep one in my backpack while I am at meetings and conventions) is a rubber "spot" used for indoor games. These make, among other things, great indoor Frisbees. I can just pull it out and sail it across the circle to someone and the game is on.

What to Avoid:

• Resorting to the games too quickly. There is a difference between a pause or a slow start to a program and a program that is falling flat.
• Using the same activity too many times in a row

Variations:

On Retreats, etc. I always have my Retreat box available, as described on the Documents page which have a variety of handy props.

Confirmation mentors

If using a mentor system, choose mentors carefully and pair them carefully.

1. Train the mentors in working with adolescents and what are proper interactions and relationships.
2. They should take the Presbytery Sexual Misconduct program and be instructed that they are never to be alone with their mentee
3. Provide the mentors with material to go over with their charges

Things to say to a group when you are leaving them

Explain to them that when you leave you are gone:

• That you will not do weddings, come back for graduations or anything else.
  
• You will do college recommendations. (This is an important courtesy and one that you can probably do better than anyone else in the church. This is not really interfering.)
  
• They are to welcome your successor warmly. “I have not done my job well if my leaving disrupts things or my successor is treated in a un-Christian fashion.”
  
• Explain that things will change and need to change.
  
• They should be told that they should never ever say things like “we've never done it that way before,” “[your name] always/never/used to...” etc
  

Rules of behavior for trips and camps.

This is mostly targeting High School groups.

• Explain that laying out rules is not a sign you don't trust them. Trust has nothing to do with it. The adults are legally held responsible for the youth. This is strictly a formality so that there are no misunderstandings or surprises.
  
• On some things there can be no flexibility: If you break the law (underage drinking, etc) we'll still love you and forgive you as we put you on the airplane home – at your parent's expense.
  
• Some things make life together more pleasant overall, even if they require some compromises.
  
  • Some people may not want to keep their rooms neat and presentable for non-roommates; therefore, don't invite people into the room, especially those of the opposite gender. In fact, this is forbidden in order to protect everyone from embarrassment or being put on the spot.
    
  • There is a common room for gatherings.
    
• Be sensitive to the need of all to be included and accepted; and the need for all of us to be left alone at times. We also need to be clear to others when we need quiet time.
  
• Recognize that you are only one of 27 people and have only 1/27^th of a right to get your own way. If 14 decide something, the other 13 will have to go along or lump it.
  

• If you lose gracefully we all will have a better time and the others will be more willing to be gracious when you get your way.
  
• As an example: this is too large a group and it is too expensive to try to please everyone on food. While honoring allergies, we have to go with standard, generic meals and everyone will eat what is served or starve.
  
• There will be personality conflicts – learn to live with them. This is a valuable life learning!
  
• In the work teams, everyone must carry their own share of the load – nothing causes resentment and arguments more than someone who is too busy doing other things when it is time to do dishes or shingle a roof.
  

Notices of upcoming meetings

Always publish a list of upcoming meetings a month at a time. This helps attendance: they would rather attend something boring than come to something unknown. Send followup reminders each week.  Use the chart of preferred method of communications referred to in my previous post to determine what is the best way of getting this information in the hands of the youth.

Economic Considerations for youth on a trip

Recognize that even in affluent areas there will be youths with very limited discretionary funds. Often it is impossible to tell who has money and who does not. To have expensive activities or a large number of less expensive activities is to exclude some young people from participation. Most churches have "scholarship help" available, but even this is of limited usefulness because for many youth who have limited income do not view themselves as "poor" and in need of scholarship help. They just can't afford this particular activity (nor the next one, nor ...).

• There may be other creative solutions to the problem, but the most commonly used approaches are an adequate youth budget and fund raisers by the youth. In any case, what needs to happen is for the cost per kid (c/k) be reduced across the board -- not just for those who "need" it.
• Scrupulously avoid any surprise expenses. Kids need to know exactly how much money to bring for an activity -- it is embarrassing to them to have to borrow money to get into something that is a group activity.
• Similarly, a healthy policy is that the initial fee for an event covers all necessary expenses -- all meals, housing, registration or entry fees. A kid could actually survive a trip or event without a dollar to their name.
• I usually include a disclaimer in information about an event that I cannot/will not predict how much money they need for personal use - i.e. snacks, CDs, souvenirs. Perhaps something on the order of: "Since different families have different traditions and practices about spending money, there can not be a recommendation on spending money. On this trip, however, there will be opportunities for people to buy snacks and gifts."
• To top all this off, if expenses are not covered by the initial fee or fundraising, you will need to be prepared to slip a kid or two the needed money.

Doing an interest group model youth program

This is fairly straight forward

• Find an adult expert willing to work with youth
• or find an adult willing to work with youth and discover their area of expertise
• Through survey and personal conversation with youth determine if the topic being talked about is actually of interest to the youth
• Look at the logistics involved. Is it really practical (Is there a place for and money for a kiln? For example)
• Establish a list of supplies and equipment needed to do it right. Starting out without the essentials – (“what if it fails and we've wasted that money...”) is to guarantee failure. This is like buying a cheap guitar with high action and then wondering why your child can't play it.
• Don't get discouraged if it doesn't take off immediately. Preexisting schedule conflicts may prevent even those who committed to it from participating. Youth are naturally conservative and may hang back until it is a success (a catch 22, of course). Then add in the difficulties of communication and forgetfulness. As a rule of thumb I say that it takes three years to determine if a youth program is going to be a success.
• There is no beating personal contact with potential participants
• If at all possible have more than one interest group – only one interest group eliminates all those who are not interested in that interest group.
• As with all organizations, every few years it needs to be reevaluated: have the leaders gone on? Have the kids that were interested moved on? Has it gotten stagnant and need to be stirred up?

volunteer recognition

• 
   Volunteers need recognition and affirmation. The best affirmation they can get is when it is third hand – they heard from someone else how pleased you are with their work. So talk positively about your volunteers behind their back – to everyone you come across.
  
• Publicly acknowledge their contribution and share with them all accolades, credit, affection.
  
• Volunteers need to know that you will stand behind them and support them. Even if they mess up, work on the issue internally. Do not disown them or publicly disavow any responsibility.
  There are plenty of books on methods of volunteer recognition.  Use them.
  

Volunteer burn out

Volunteers do burn out. Three years is usually the maximum before they need a change. However the change may simply be from youth group to Sunday school teacher. Consider having a built-in “three year rule” where a person can only do a particular job for three years before they have to make a change to another job or take a year “sabbatical.”

• This is scary because recruiting is sometimes so difficult, but it is worth the effort.
  
• It allows someone else to have a chance to get to know your kids and to enjoy working with them.
  
• It makes it possible to gently “retire” someone who really needs to not be doing this work.
  
• It take care of the burn out problem.
  

Proportional budgeting

The church's financial software probably allows this, but figure budgets on a month to month basis, so that if there is a major expense expected in June, that month's budget should reflect those expense and if there is nothing at all to be spent from those line items in September, then that should be reflected in the September budget number. This helps planning and it keeps things from looking bad in months when there are major expenses.

Surprising Variations on themes:

The Surprise

Modify traditional activities in surprising ways. These can sometimes be complete, unexpected surprises or simply an attention getter. For example, a Reverse Progressive Party could be organized by the adults, and the youth surprised when they are served dessert at the first location or the idea of a Reverse Progressive Party can be adopted by the youth planning the Party and its quirky nature mentioned in the publicity.

How to do the Surprise:

This is simply a matter of creative thinking and sometimes can come from brainstorming style planning sessions with the youth. However, the youth need to know that odd, controversial or "impossible" ideas are welcome. This can be done if the ground rules for these planning sessions include the rule that there are "no bad ideas" only ideas that might not be chosen later. All ideas are then treated equally and noted. Only after the creative thinking has stopped does the group go back and pick the ideas that they want to try. If the meeting is relaxed and an atmosphere of good humor is projected, many good ideas can come from such a session. One or two O'clock in the morning are especially good for such planning sessions, since inhibitions are usually lower then.

What to Avoid:

Some youth groups have a tough time being original or dealing with the unusual. This is one of the reasons why many of the suggestions in this blog have to be total surprises to the youth – they would not naturally plan or accept the ideas on their own. Some youth can't even accept minor variations from the norm. I've had youth groups gag on the idea of eating dessert before the main course. However, once a group tries a few unusual ideas they grow to enjoy and appreciate variation.

Variations:

• A Reverse Progressive Party (working from dessert to the appetizer)
• A LockOut - Going to a Retreat Center, but remaining outdoors all night, doing recreation moonlight hikes, worship on a knoll or in a cave . . .
• An unusual "...-A-Thon" (Rock-A-Thon, Bible-A-Thon, CupCake-A-Thon, ...) to raise money for a charity
• A window washing service ("We ONLY do windows") to raise money
• A program on the value of healthy living (rather than always having programs in the negative, i.e. on Drugs, alcohol, sex, etc).
• The "World's Smallest Banana Split" (use melon ball scoops to put ice cream between pairs of banana slices)

Variations on Scavenger Hunts:

• Reverse Scavenger Hunt – go to people/houses and get them to take items on the list.
• Video or sound scavenger hunt – collect specific sounds or actions
• Theological scavenger hunt – interview people, looking for a diversity of opinions  (i.e. "Find someone who believes in reincarnation")
• Sympathy Orchestra – Everyone brings a musical instrument (even if it is a kazoo) and sight read or "jam" with whatever combination shows up.
• An Interior Only Car Wash - (rather than streaking up the cars) do the carpets, dashboard, etc. Perhaps even clean engines.

Firing Volunteers

Recruit carefully – it is hard to “fire” an inappropriate leader. Do not put out general announcements for filling specialized tasks such as youth groups, youth trips, retreats. It is OK to advertise for Church School teachers, cooks, fund raisers. Hand pick the people that will be working with your beloved youth.

• You don't “fire” a ill-matched volunteer, you “re-purpose” them. Recruit them out of the one task and into another one that they are more suited for.
  
• Background checks of one sort or another is pretty much necessary. If you misjudge a person's character without having double checked you may be in for a lot of unpleasantness if not worse.
  

feminine hygiene supplies (now there's an old fashioned term)

(This post is mostly for male leaders who may not think about such things)
There is always some camper that is caught off guard and need “supplies.” The camp or trip should always have a supply of such items. There should even be some kept in the youth room. Make this common, if unstated knowledge. Female counselors should always carry supplies appropriate for the campers. Have the female counselors inform the female campers of the availability of these things. On a trip, have a woman counselor make a public announcement when she is going on a shopping trip. This allows a girl to quietly request purchase of “feminine hygiene” materials.

An Interest group model: what is is?

Sometimes when a group does not have much in common – different schools or towns represented or broad age group – a program can be built around a set of special interests. The classic “MAD – Music, Art Drama” program does this. A “youth group band” is another common example. Interest groups can also be task oriented such as group that collects aluminum cans to redeem for money for hunger relieve, a group to help with house and yard chores for the church's shut-ins.

These things are very local in nature, a program from one community may not translate easily to another community. I'll have some guidelines for creating and running an Interest group style program. But look around the congregation: what are types of interests and activities of the church as a whole? What can be tapped into or built on? Who has special skills? Are some of the youth already involved in some interest that can be made a part of the church's program?

Food hints

The fact that adolescents need lots and lots of food is such common knowledge, I won't even count this one as a hint.

• If you have youths together more than a couple of hours, you need food available.
  
• Grab up all your church's leftovers from any source and feed them to the youth as snacks.
  
• Have at least some semi-healthy foods available.
  
• Quantity is more important than quality to most youth. We cannot solve the over-nutrition and bad-nutrition problems for the youth although we can avoid significantly adding to the problem.
  
• Most youth do not like exotic foods and won't try anything new.
  
• Most youth like their food spicy – various Tex-Mex or Italian foods.
  

A camper's soiled sleeping bag

On an overnight or at camp, if a young camper (7^th grade or younger) seems distressed in the morning and is either wadding clothes in their sleeping bag or wadding the sleeping bag (or their sleeping bag smells) they may have soiled their bed-clothes: enuresis, spotting or wet dream. You do not want to say anything direct, they are humiliated enough (even though no one else knows). But you can say in their hearing but no one else's, “I think I'll get my sleeping bag washed today, want me to throw yours in too to make it a load.”

Surprises: Handling Complaints

Surprises will produce a certain amount of stress for youth and their parents. Above all other age groups, teens become stressed by new things – worrying about whether it is socially acceptable to like this new thing. This kind of stress often results in a fair amount of grumbling: "This is dumb"; "Do we have to?"; "We've never done this before." If the complaining falls into this category, simply acknowledge and good naturedly ignore. Many times I have heard a group of youths complain long and loud throughout an activity and I went home discouraged only to have them all show up at the next youth group meeting speaking of the activity as if it were the most enjoyable thing they'd ever done!

If, on the other hand, the complaint is justified, try to adjust the plan, and if it can't be adjusted, make the lemon into lemonade. On one Unknown Destination Trip, at the insistence of my local contact person, we went to a play. I had misgivings, but it was supposed to be "wonderful" and "just what teens would like." Actually, it was terrible: boring, poorly performed and completely out-of-sync with my kids. I admitted to them that it was a bad choice, but it wasn't anybody's "fault" and that our contact was truly trying to be helpful. So we joked and teased about it, and learned not to be mad or blaming. So, in the end, it wasn't a bad experience after all.

Getting along with other staff people

• If you watch the back of other staff people, they'll watch yours.
  
  • Keep each other informed of rumors and dissatisfaction.
    
  • Do not seek out rumors and dissatisfaction (much less encourage them).
    
  • If you can clear up misunderstandings or misinformation, do so.
    
• If you have a problem with someone, address it directly. If you don't fully trust the person, have a third person in the room.
  
• Try to keep things in perspective and help the others to do so also. Power struggles, egos, tradition, or change aside, how important is it on the scale of eternity?
  

Volunteer basics

Suggestions for the recruitment and treatment of volunteers is a cottage industry. With volunteers we are dealing with complex humans with unstated if not unknown values, needs and agendas. Supporting and working with volunteers is a never ending issue in youth ministry that requires thought and time. A few basics:

• Volunteers need to feel needed. It is not sufficient for them to be placeholders, a requisite male or female, back-up or group bouncer. They need to be relied upon regularly.
  
• They usually have a limited amount of time and energy and may not be able to do a lot of preparation.
  
• Volunteers need to be able to spend real time with the youth. You may have to take care of the background, administrative stuff.
  
• Volunteers need a sense of community. Many sign up to teach or work with a team with the hope that they will make friends with the other adults.
  
• If you work with a lot of adults, you may find that your most effective ministry to the youth is spending time with the adults and keeping them happy.
  

Spouses... partners, significant other, soul mate, roommate, whatever...

We'll go with “Spouse” as a catch all. This is a hard topic for “hints.” There are too many combinations and it is too integral to who we are to be very objective.

• First, some easy things:
  
• Explicitly make time for each other every week. No excuses, no forgetting to schedule it until it is too late, especially if both of you are professionally involved with youth.
  
• When you are going on a weekend or week long trip with the youth, even if the spouse is going along, spend some planned family time together before and after.
  
• Before a trip spend time doing some of the domestic chores so your spouse doesn't get stuck with them all. This is also a good alternative to what you will be doing.
  

Surprise elements in otherwise structured events

Surprise elements in otherwise structured events

This has an infinite range of possibilities, the idea simply being adding something unusual and unexpected to a regular event.

Why do this surprise?

• To liven things up
• To reward the regulars that come even for the routine activities

How to do the Surprise:

Simply do what was planned and expected and then, at the end, toss in the surprise.  For example, after a good and fruitful discussion, suddenly declare the discussion over and have everyone follow you out/up/in where you start a favorite game. This will leave the group with a double dose of good feelings - about the discussion and about the game.

What to avoid:

• The dubious practice of announcing at the beginning that you will be doing something, then threatening to withdraw the offer if their behavior doesn't improve - i.e. using the special activity as a bribe instead of as a treat.
• It is usually better not to pre-announce the surprise, bonus activity. If the activity is attractive enough to the youth, it may be a distraction to the main program or activity.
• Predictable surprises: always the same type of surprise, always a "surprise" after a particular activity or program ("The program is on getting along, that means we'll be going out for ice cream afterwards").

Variations:

• Go into a nearby town while on a retreat
• Do a special, unannounced activity on a retreat, trip or camp - such as horseback riding.
• Have a special treat on a hard day on a mission trip
• Have pizza delivered unexpectedly
• Go out for Ice Cream
• Give the group that comes to the scheduled meeting gets the first chance to sign up for a popular event