Creativity and staff life

A good youth worker is independent, competent, creative, and full of initiative. All of these qualities are a hazard on a church staff. We have to practice constantly being all these things in our own work, but suppress them in staff activities.

Different Kinds of Food

When eating out, eat at an unusual place; serve, along with normal stuff, some unusual things; use unusual foods as an object lesson.

Why do this surprise:

Teens, especially older teens, are actually very conservative despite any verbal protests to the contrary. Above all, most are very conservative about diet. Changing what is available for them to eat can be very disruptive and disturbing. At summer camps and conferences, some of the youth will go days without eating or with eating just the minimum, living off of any candy they brought or can buy. Challenging this attitude in a gentle and fun loving fashion can benefit the youth. Discussion built around food and the difference between those who, out of necessity, will eat anything and ourselves who can afford to be so picky can also be useful as long as it is not overdone.

What to avoid:

• If going out to eat, be careful to go somewhere that will serve something somewhat traditional, there is no value in deliberately starving someone just because they are stubborn.
• If bringing in food, bring in some normal snacks also.
• Do not buy large quantities of something they are not likely to eat. If, perchance they like it, then bring in more next time.
• Avoid foods so gross they are likely to get sick.

Variations:

• Odd toppings for ice cream (One group discovered that wheat germ was good on ice cream)
• Go to a health food place for snack foods
• On trips, especially an unknown destination trip, go to a restaurant they wouldn't choose for themselves. Because of the nature of a trip, they may be more open to experimentation than at other times.

Menarche at camp or on a trip

If you are in a situation where there are girls that have not yet achieved menarche (you may not know who has and who hasn't, but if you are working with middle school or younger girls, the likelihood is high) there is a very good chance that one of them will have their first period on the trip, camp or overnight. This is a Murphy's Law kind of thing.

• Come prepared with proper supplies.
  
• Have a “mother figure” along (a camp “nurse” or some other designated caring individual).
  
• Have female counselors sensitive to the possibility and when they suspect, have them ask and if true get them to the “mother.”
  
• The mother figure should take care of immediate issues, give them love and attention.
  
• Have the girl call her mother to share the news.
  

Publicity and promotion for an Unknown Destination Trip

Along with advanced planning is advanced publicity - especially the first few times. As we have all experienced, getting people to actually respond to publicity, whether it is print, media or personal announcements is frustratingly difficult. An item has to be brought up again and again, in every way possible. Publicity for the Unknown Destination trip can be as playful as the activity itself. Tease with the unknown aspect. One year I had a line "Where? We will be going to sdwev [this word was actually in a symbol font which I don't have available in this blog]." Some of my computer literate young people tried doing font substitutions to see if I had actually given the destination in code. This created an even more interest in the trip.

One important part of all publicity and all conversations or correspondence with parents is to assure them that you know exactly where you are going and what you will be doing with their child -- that everything is worked out in detail and that parents will receive a complete itinerary just before you drive away. This is hard for a lot of parents and it may difficult at first to get parental support. As I will explain later, there will be a lot of pressure to fill parents in ahead of the event and this could destroy the trip – for this event to work as advertised, it is important to assure parents without giving them advanced information. If a particular youth has a particular medical or other condition that has to be taken into consideration, find out from the parent what the condition is. In most cases you can adjust the trip to work around the concern and assure the parent that everything will be all right. In some cases you may need to tell a parent that the child may have a problem or be exposed to something that may affect the condition. It then becomes the parent's decision whether or not to send the child. You can be sensitive to the youth's situation without being bullied into revealing what you won't reveal to other parents.

Individualized Confirmation program

I have put on the Documents page a copy of an individualized confirmation program that I developed in one of my earlier churches where a group confirmation program wasn't appropriate.  I modified it for use at a later church where I used it for youth who needed to go through confirmation, but had missed going through it with their peers.  This program is tied to the situation where I was but perhaps the outline and ideas can be applied to your situation.

Governance: Elected Youth Officers

Fortunately “officers” are rare now (they were standard when I was growing up). There are a lot of down sides to officers or other elected leadership. But some people are stuck with them.

• Pros:
  • We've always done it and everyone knows how it works
  • sometimes you get really good leadership
  • sometimes a person is elected whom the adult leadership would not choose
• Cons:
  • If they are elected, then it turns into a popularity contest which is divisive and sometimes you get hard feelings
  • Often you get the wrong people elected: popular but not faithful or interested
  • Sometimes you get people who simply lack the skills being called upon
  • It encourages a hierarchical in-group/out-group mentality which doesn't need to be encouraged.
• Working with an elected council:
  • structure the meetings where each officer is to come in with comments and suggestions from others in the youth group
  • Use open sub-committees so that each officer will have to meet with people they might not choose to work with to accomplish their tasks
  • Give them “feet-washing” jobs that remind them that they are servants of the other youth: work a food serving line, be responsible for cleanup after events, etc

Risk assessment

“Risk” are risks to the youth's physical, emotional or spiritual health. All three areas of risk must be thought through.

• Every activity has some risk (one game of “if you've ever” resulted in a broken arm as two people vied for the same seat), be aware of what the risk is for each activity?
  
• In doing risk assessment, think ahead and think of the worst case scenario, and then the best case scenario.
  

When to write vouchers

Write the vouchers as soon as the amounts are known. Memory fades quickly so don't put this off. We may not like doing this kind of stuff but it can be the death of us if we don't do it and do it well.  [Remember the "Toad Rules"]

When you have to punt

Planning for what to do if a program doesn't show up or bombs. Always being on the alert for the new and different and creative helps us to be ready for unpleasant surprises. Also, having a surprise or two ready for use at any time allows us to be prepared for emergency situations. A few examples from my own ministry. At one church, we had parents come in and serve meals to our youth. One week the parents didn't come. Since I had already, in the previous year, taken our group to out for snacks to a particular place nearby, it was easy to mobilize them to go for dinner there. I left one youth group sponsor behind to pick up stragglers. Similarly, on an Unknown Destination Trip, a number of major activities that I had planned fell through, but since I had over planned and had a number of backup plans, we were able to shift gears easily.

What to Avoid:

• Working so hard at making things go as planned that things just get worse.
• Being so flexible that you switch to plan B before plan A has a chance to work.

Holding a balance between these two extremes is purely instinct and we won't always get it exactly right, but we need to be alert to the fact that we all tend toward one extreme or the other by nature.

If leaving the premises, leave notes on the door for latecomers and parents. I usually leave the lights on in the building so that parents don't panic when they drive up and the place looks deserted.

Variations:

• Have a Backup program always ready - a substitute activity does not need to be fun and games or fluff. If one discussion in bombing, have another one ready.
• Have a list of discussion topics or one of the discussion starter games or books handy.
• Have a set of CD's available, with lyrics, to use as discussion starters
• Order in Pizza
• Have a work project in mind - is there something around the church that needs some work?
• Take the group to the Sunday School supply closet and have a freeform art project based on the program of the day
• Go to the computer and play a Bible game
• Keep cookie making ingredients handy
• Have teams develop a Bible Jeopardy to use on each other
• Do some singing
• Have an impromptu talent show
• Go for a walk
• Redesign the youth room
• Make Thanksgiving\Christmas\Easter gifts for shut-ins or a Children's home

A spouse's expectations

What is your spouse's expectations for you and your future? Does your spouse expect you to give up this nonsense eventually? Expect you to stay in one place for the rest of your life? Have ambitions for you that you do not share? (You might also reverse these questions about your expectations for your spouse.)

The Contact person for an Unknown Destination Trip

The Contact person is one of the crucial pieces of the trip. You need someone that knows the target area well enough to advise on possible activities, places to eat, things or places to avoid. They can also help make arrangements. Occasionally the contact person will have ideas or opportunities that otherwise wouldn't be known to you. One contact person I used decided to piggyback a youth activity of her own on our trip to make it a special week end for both groups. Rather than just sending us to some external event, she decided to schedule a lock-in for her group to coincide with our trip. This turned out to be a great deal of fun for both groups and more meaningful than any less personal activity.

To an extent you are at the mercy of the contact person. One year we had a well meaning contact person that was simply out of touch with youth and only recommended activities that were absolutely deadly, but without another contact and uncertain as to whether the ideas being proposed were as bad as they sounded, we tried one of them. Oh well, the kids at least had a gripe to bind them together. On the other hand, another contact person was so intrigued by our trip, that he personally planned and participated with us the entire weekend. One of the unexpected and unique highlights of that trip was each of us baking a personal loaf of bread late the first night, under this person's guidance. That, and the rock worship service and the time at a working farm that he arranged for, and the homeless shelter that he connected us up with made that a memorable trip.

Older youths leading younger youth in a youth group

In a youth program setting you have to be a little subtler. Take the older youth aside, or out to lunch and explain that you need their help in making the youth group a good experience for the younger youth. The group need the experience and maturity of the old youth and the older youth need to help the younger youth know how to behave and act in a youth group. The younger youth will also need the help of the older youth in understanding concepts – In fact, maybe the older youth can help lead programs and discussions.

Another way of using the older youth is if there is a youth with some kind of special need, whether it is specific condition or just a behavioral issue you can assign an older youth to be their mentor and guide.

Having a spouse go along on a youth trip

• Make sure you truly understand your spouse's feelings about being involved in your youth work. The calling to youth work is yours, not necessary your spouse's.
  
• It is best that if spouses goes along on a trip that they have a relatively benign position out of the mainstream of decision making and social pressures (cook, nurse, driver, arrangements person...). Otherwise relationships get too complicated.
  
• It probably is not best for an entire family to be along on an extended trip.
  

Listen and appreciate their music

Know what they are listening to and listen to it yourself.

• Learn to appreciate its musical value (I promise you, all styles have musical value and you can learn to distinguish between the good and bad of each genre.)
  
• Ask them about groups and singers, let them educate you.
  

An unusual approach to a healthy relationship with the youth

One attitude that I adopted when I was almost their age and have kept up over all the years (even though, now, at my age, it is a ludicrous idea) is to view all my charges as “little brothers and sisters”

• This keeps a healthy attitude about the relationship – loving but not sexual ('My sister? Yuck!”).
  
• An older sibling loves the younger siblings dearly, will defend them fiercely and will tease them unmercifully.
  
• Unlike a parent figure, an older sibling is not interested in meddling in a younger sibling's private affairs nor running their lives for them.
  
• An older sibling is “worldly wise” and can help their younger siblings negotiate the tricky parts of growing up.
  
• An older sibling is a listening, but objective ear.
  

Beginning the planning of an Unknown Destination Trip

       When to have it? This is as variable as everything else. Unfortunately, these things usually have to be planned so far ahead (for arrangements, reservations, and publicity) that it is hard to anticipate an ideal time for a location. Careful research of possible target locations may suggest a better time. Unfortunately, the best time for most students, Jan- April, is not a good "sight seeing" or traveling time.

         The first step is to find a tentative destination. Since some things require reservations long in advance, it is a good idea to begin studying a possible location early. Early planning and contact with a destination may reveal something unique that is worth adjusting dates for. By the same token we sometimes need to wait patiently for the "right" activity to come along. It is a good idea to have a solid plan in mind six months ahead of an event, but since only you and your contacts have any idea of what is planned, if something better comes along you can change without hesitation.

       Go to official and unofficial web sites of cities within a 4-5 hour range,. Sort through these to find an interesting area. Do any of the places have some unique activity, place, area? Are there convention centers or amusement parks? Are there any upcoming shows, concerts, athletic events or, if you are really lucky, a festival or fair, during that weekend. A University? Any place that might have several interesting and entertaining sights or sites. Be sure to consider places and activities within a couple of hours of the base community. For instance, one time we stayed in Reading, PA, but spent most of the day in Amish country, an hour's drive away. Another time we stayed in Tulsa, OK, but the primary activity was a working ranch an hour south of town.

       Upon selecting a probable community, find a church in the area that is big enough to house your group – if they have a youth minister or worker, all the better. Call and arrange to spend the night or weekend there. If you do not personally know of someone in that community that can help plan the trip, ask for help in locating a contact person from the church at which you will be staying.

       Being free to be creative and unique is an important part of building a reputation for the trip. Sometimes a trip is successful and enjoyable enough to want to repeat it - but not as an unknown destination. Make it a known destination with a reputation of its own, and allow the Unknown Destination continue to be radically different each time.

Spouses on youth trips

• Make sure you truly understand your spouse's feelings about being involved in your youth work. The calling to youth work is yours, not necessary your spouse's.
  
• It is best that if spouses goes along on a trip that they have a relatively benign position out of the mainstream of decision making and social pressures (cook, nurse, driver, arrangements person...). Otherwise relationships get too complicated.
  
• It probably is not best for an entire family to be along on an extended trip.

Showers and young campers

Every camper needs a soap shower every day. Young campers, especially 6^th graders (although one time I had a group of 8^th grade girls react this way!!!) act as if they are allergic to soap. They will not bathe on their own and getting them to bathe without humiliating them is challenging but necessary. It is best to deal with the group uniformly:

• Publicly insisting that everyone bathe.
• Polling them periodically but privately (so that everyone knows they will be asked, but not asking at a time when the answer might be publicly embarrassing).
• Public statements without looking at anyone (and with a touch of drama): “It doesn't smell like everyone is bathing around here! Do I have to take a 'sniff check'?”
• Offer to let someone who hasn't bathed to bathe at an off hour so they can do so alone.

When someone is out to get you

If there is a group or person out to get you, keep your supervisor informed, get her/his perspective, try to get to the heart of your antagonist's antipathy.

1. Can it be ameliorated without sacrificing something core to your being or ministry?
   
2. Do they need an apology?
   
3. Does the situation require a face to face meeting with the other person, you and your supervisor? (Never alone!)
   
4. Can you just wait them out? Enemies usually will die, move or get tired of the project. The problem probably has to do with their children not getting what they wanted. When will these children graduate?
   
5. Weigh the value of your ministry there against the aggravation. Actually aggravation shouldn't have anything to do with it – it is matter of what is best for Christ's church.
   

Unknown Destination Trip: Schedule

A typical Schedule:

One of the characteristics of the Unknown Destination Trip is that there is nothing typical about it. The only thing our youth can count on is that we will not do the same thing twice. The length of the trip, the distance covered, the types of activities are all different from one trip to another. There are, however, a few types of activities and schedules that are somewhat common, and I often revert to a common outline. Many of the comments in this post will assume this "starting point" outline. As I research a potential Unknown Destination, I will modify - or throw out entirely - this outline.

A possible outline of activities

Friday night departure for base station. Leave after work. All are to come "pre-fed." Sometimes we will arrive at the church where we will be spending the night late at night. One of the fun "unknowns" is simply exploring a new church, late at night.

Saturday morning. Prepare our own or fast-food for breakfast. We often will then do a service project - working a soup kitchen, clothes closet, homeless shelter ...

Saturday afternoon. If the major fun activity is in the evening, we will often spend the afternoon exploring our new environment or playing games in a park.

Saturday Supper. Usually an unusual place or a place that is peculiar to the area.

Saturday evening. Some special activity or event that will be viewed as "fun" by the youth.

Sunday morning. Worship in the church we are staying in. We generally go to their early service, change into casual clothes then go out to eat.

Sunday afternoon. Sometimes stop for one more activity before returning home.

Accounting and money for large activities and trips

Leaders of youth are often more interested in the youth and the activity at hand than the mundane matters of money – and many a youth leader has gotten in hot water for mishandling of money. So here are some comments about money:

• Always have extra cash on hand to bail out a kid or two.
• Try to arrange to have a cash advance for fast-food and incidental expenses. I generally plan on $5/kid for breakfast, $5/kid for lunch and $10/kid for dinner for fast-food meals. If someone wants to spend more than this allotment, they can do so out of their own spending money. Often a youth who doesn't spend their allotment will cover the cost of the youth that needs more than the average.
• For fast food meals and other receiptless situations – issue kids or groups of kids whole bills (such as a $20 bill to a group of four) and get the change back and put in an envelope (I always keep a supply of dollar bill sized envelopes at hand). At a more leisurely time you can count the change and calculate the total cost of the meal or activity and put this on your ledger (I use the back of the envelope for a temporary ledger).
• Get a receipt for cash spent any time you can and stick in the envelope.
• If you can sell the Trustees on it, get a corporate credit card, if not, get a credit card separate from your own that you use only for church related activities. Use it any time this is possible, carrying large amounts of cash is a pain and potentially dangerous and harder to account for.
• Always produce a balance sheet of any complicated or expensive activities.

Discussion ideas for help youth make good decisions

• “Employers always search the Internet for information about a candidate, what will they find about you? How will they react to that information?”
• "How would it feel to have a nude or suggestive picture of you get out and go viral?  Everyone who sees you might have seen the picture?"
• “What would happen if you were at an unsupervised party and it was raided (even if you weren't drinking)? What would be the repercussions? What would your school do? Your parents?”
• " If you are alone with someone and they ask something of you that you don't want to do, how do you get out of it?  What if they say they'll lie and tell people you went along with them?"
• "What would happen to you if you let someone cheat off you and the two of you were caught?"

A new youth program should always start with Middle School/Junior High

It is a fact of life that middle schoolers (6-9^th to be more specific) are more flexible and willing to try things than their older peers. High School youth are often set in their ways and want institutions like a youth group to remain consistent and constant – even as they get bored with the sameness of it!! High School youth are also pretty well booked up with activities they established at the beginning of their Freshmen year. To get them to do something new or at a new time is difficult.
So whether creating something new or trying to make a major change, start with the Middle Schoolers.

Youth teaching children

In a Church School setting it is easy to recruit older youth to be teachers, but it helps to do so with care. Some considerations:

• Talk to the high school teacher if there is one. Don't blind-side them by taking their students away
• Select carefully. Just as with adults, some are gifted in this way and others are not. If you need to use those who aren't gifted, recruit them for some other activity perhaps even being your personal go-fer, supply cabinet supervisor, media specialist...
• Give them training. Depending on the situation this can vary. It may be a teacher training session, it may be serving as an assistant to a skilled teacher. (Be sure to talk to this teacher in advance and convince them to start turning some of the teaching assignments over to the youth, working toward the time the youth does the whole lesson from beginning to end, including planning and evaluation.)
• Except in the most extreme cases all teachers should be a part of a team of teachers/leaders, but an all youth team is acceptable as long as they are competent.

Grace at meals

At meals, take volunteers for saying Grace for meals letting whoever says Grace go first in line. Make sure that a person doesn't get it every time. In a restaurant, where the youth are sitting at separate tables, remind each table to say their own grace.