Being an ADD/ADHD youth worker #4: Medication

• No matter what I say here it will make half the audience mad
• My experience is that a few, but very few, do need to be medicated
• Always do a double blind test to make sure it is, in reality, doing something worthwhile
• Only use to take the edge off of extreme cases
• They do not need to be drugged into submission
• “Normal” is not the goal. They only need to be calm enough to function and to take advantage of their condition.

luggage on trips

Often luggage space on a trip is a problem. I won't get into the incredible things some youth bring along... It is fair to restrict the amount of luggage they bring. However, this must, of course been done in advance. I have long ago abandoned trying to give detailed “what to bring” lists, focusing only on unusual or absolutely essential items. However, you can list luggage counts or dimensions.

Being Oneself #2: Don't try to “snow” them

Too often, the charismatic leader is considered to be the ideal leader. Those of us who are not charismatic may try to mimic them with flash and enthusiasm. Introverted and low-key people have been proven to be very effective youth leaders, even if they don't get as much press.

• Introverted or low-key people can, when needed, learn to turn things up, getting louder and more energetic
• Just don't try to be someone you aren't

Being an ADD/ADHD youth worker #3: Growing up ADD

By the time I was in HS I realized that I was different from other kids – even different from my sister, who could study for hours on end and practice the piano non-stop for an hour at a time. So many of my peers could pick an interest and stay with it, ignoring all the other REALLY INTERESTING things that got my attention, however briefly. I realized that I was becoming a Jack of all trades and master of none. That frustrated me to no end. I struggled mightily with this, trying to stay focused, trying to study for longer periods of time. For decades, I told myself that I could learn, over time, through practice, to stay focused on a subject for longer periods.
My basic attention span is about 15 minutes. I would try to boost this to ½ hour. Again and again I would try. No luck. Again and again I studied for about 15 minutes and then spend about 15 minutes trying to focus. What I finally learned is: You don't “overcome” being ADD. It is like being left-handed. So

• People kept trying to make southpaws righties, but it never worked
• You can't “cure” people of being ADD
• and I don't know why you would want to
• There is some real value to this condition, as I'll explain later
• So it is a matter of the person with ADD learning how to cope in a world that doesn't understand them – like a left-handed person learning to cope with a right handed world
• And those that have to live with an ADD person learning to cope with and tolerate their characteristics

Being Oneself #1: “Youth talk”

“In” language is neither universal nor timeless.

• Youth deliberately try to have a unique vocabulary specifically to exclude “clueless” older people. Grant them this illusion.
• Don't be clueless. Learn the current vocabulary, just don't use it yourself unless adults your age adopt the language (at which point it will change)
• Besides, you'll usually be a week or two behind them :)

Being an ADD/ADHD youth worker #2: A different definition

 Right off the bat I want to say that being ADD isn't the worst thing in the world. My father, an international corporation CEO, who was clearly ADHD and a nephew, a lawyer, who is clearly ADHD and I (only ADD), a minister, have done quite well, not only coping with our condition but making the most of it.

• I do not consider being ADD either being a “deficit” nor a “disorder”
• In fact, I feel that those people who only pay attention to one thing at a time have the attention deficit. If anything I have attention surfeit: I pay attention to way too many things – simultaneously. ADD people have a lot of attention.
• ADD is a condition, not a disorder. It is like being left-handed. It is also a continuum, with some being more ADD and others less so.
• ADD is a special condition which I consider to be a blessing although it sure can be annoying from time to time. But me and my nephew are grateful to my father for passing this on to us, genetically.

Bottom line, let's learn to accept ADD/ADHD and rather than trying to “Cure them” let's help them/us make good use of their special gift and minimize the down sides.

Being oneself: Introduction

This is related to leadership style and will be a reiteration of some previous posts, but I'll try to pull together my thoughts about how to relate to the youth as an authentic adult. I may be overreacting to this but I remember so vividly a youth worker from my youthhood (that's a long time ago) who tried so hard to be one of us that it was downright embarrassing. I've had that image in the back of my head throughout my ministry.

• That person meant well
• But wasn't a good role model – someone we wanted to be when we grew up
• Besides, who wants to be a kid their whole life

Spending money on trips

Since it is my policy that all “required” expenses, food, lodging, entertainment entrance fees, etc are paid by the group I point out in advance that all expenses are paid. A youth can go on the trip without any money and not miss a thing. How we fund the trip differs from trip to trip: fees, fund-raising, whatever. This allows quietly giving scholarships (“stipends” as I called them because that hasn't the negative connotations “scholarships” has) on the sly without anyone being the wiser.
However, I also will mention if there will be opportunities to spend money (there may be shopping available).
I avoid entirely discussion about how much spending money a kid should bring. That is way too dependent on the individual circumstances of youth and their families.

Being an ADD/ADHD youth worker #1: Introduction

Of course they didn't know there was such a thing as “ADD” when I was I kid. But I was the kid with ant in his pants and a short attention span. Much later, when reading the list of attributes of people with ADD I realized that they almost all applied to me. People often don't think in terms of adults having ADD but they have noticed how restless I am. The final stroke for my recognizing who I am was in a youth group meeting when a Sixth Grade Middle Schooler turned to me and commented: “Boy, you do have a short attention span.”

So in this series of posts I will be relaying my thoughts, research and personal experience about the advantages of being an ADD or ADHD youth worker.

• As I tell my story, I will be relating what I learned, instinctively, about coping with the down sides and, eventually, what I learned about using it to my advantage.
  
• Now, what I have to say may not always be politically correct or in keeping with current thinking or recommendations by the medical folk...
  
• But it is an expression of what I've experienced in my own life and observed in so many children and youth, diagnosed and undiagnosed.

Posters and other "inspirational" wall decorations in a youth room.

Posters are great but need to be changed regularly as in at least monthly.

Establishing a leadership style #4: Using Prepackaged programs or detailed “successful” models

No model works in every situation. In fact, the case can be made that a model or cook-book youth program only works in the original situation. However, some of these have good ideas and can open us to other possibilities. They are worth reading and drawing from even if it has to be modified to fit a particular setting.

• Don't believe the hype – there is no perfect program or approach.
• Work from the assumption that what you are reading/hearing about/being taught will not work, as is, in your situation.
• Read the material with an open mind:
  • What can be extracted from it that will work?
  • What ideas or approaches challenge you to think differently?
  • Picture what it would be like to implement at least part of the program
• For anything you decide to adopt, consider:
  • What will not work well for your kids, church, you?
  • What needs to be tweaked or adjusted?

Get Acquainted game: If you've ever/never

This is a broadly used game and I don't want to take the time to go over the details here, but basically the “it” is in the middle of the circle with everyone in a chair but no chairs left over. “It” makes a statement that is true for them (or untrue for them – different regions play the game positively or negatively. It is important to know which variant is being played). Then, everyone for whom the statement is true must change chairs with someone else. This can be quite chaotic, but fun (except for the time one of my kids broke her arm vying for a chair.) “It” tries to take one of the chairs that are temporarily vacated. Many groups have a rule that anyone moving must move more than one (or two) chairs over, which prevents two people just swapping chairs, preventing “it” from having a fair chance at their chair.
The main idea I have to offer is to forbid referencing clothing items. State this before the game starts. It is true that this eliminates some possibly embarrassing items, but the main reason for excluding clothing is that you don't learn enough about the kids. You can see what they wear, but which ones play soccer trumpet or go skiing or....

Establishing a leadership style #3: How to avoid being artificial

We are told to “be ourselves,” that kids have a BS detector and will know when we are faking it, so on and so-forth, then the same people tell us how we are to be... How do we change ourselves without being false and a poser? Modify yourself through practice:

• Pick one characteristic that needs to be changed: Let's use inappropriate sarcasm as an example.
• Recognize that such a characteristic is deep set – you've been sarcastic your entire life, therefore you will not change overnight. Be patient and non-self-judgmental.
• Each time you let loose with a sarc comment, pinch yourself to remind yourself that you're not doing that anymore, then give a better more appropriate comment.
• Keep practicing. Eventually it will become a new second nature.
• Remind yourself that the kids are worth the effort.

Erroneous Risk Assessment and Mitigation #4:Myth or urban legend

At one of my churches, word was spread about a child being snatched from a Church Nursery. All of a sudden I had parents demanding all kinds of changes for our nursery and families stopped bringing their children. I called the State Highway Patrol and asked about the story. No story, it never happened. Indeed only 50 “abductions” occurred that year, which is less than one per county, and most of the incidents occurred in one of two counties, neither of them the church's. Almost all of the incidents were from a non-custodian parent or grandparent grabbing their own child. So I set a new nursery policy tightening up sign-in/sign-out procedures. I then sent a letter to the families, explaining the facts and what the changes were. Problem solved.

• Try to trace the source of a concern. Google it, call an authority, check Snopes.com
• Is the situation rational?
• Would it have made the newspapers if it actually happened?
• Is the data specific? “I have heard” or “Over in [town name] such and such happened” isn't enough
• Again, apply the rules of risk assessment: is the problem likely enough that you should take it into consideration

Establishing a leadership style #2: Adjusting your personality

The first step is to recognize what needs to be changed. They methods for this are:

• Introspection. This is hard because we might not be very introspective by nature. As adults we're comfortable with how we are so when we look at ourselves we see no problem.
• Observing feed-back. Something isn't working, and we seem to be the problem.
• Asking for feed-back. Formally such as a questionnaire, or informally through “how am I doing? What could I do to improve?” asked of a few persceptive parents and youth.
• A support group such as an area group of youth ministers where you can talk freely and you'll get honest expressions.
• Formal counseling

Until the youth realize that you are serious about giving them responsibility

When new with a group, whether you're new or they are new to the program, there may be an assumption that they can volunteer to be in charge of a program, or the group can choose to do a project and then have the adults run it behind the scenes. It takes patience, perseverance and gray hair on your part to overcome this condition and help them discover that they can do things themselves – and you expect them to do so.

• Symptoms that they don't believe you'll let them sink or swim:
  • Procrastination: Waiting you out until you intervene.
  • Hostility: impatiently waiting for you to get on the stick and make decisions.
  • Restlessness: ready to take orders and wondering why they aren't getting any
  • Testing: Suggesting extreme or bad ideas just to see when you'll overrule them.
• You may want to start with projects that are not very public and will not reflect badly on you or them if it is less than great
• They really won't believe you mean it until you prove them wrong
• Be calm but adamant and if they propose a bad idea, rather than veto it ask them how they are going to implement it.
• Be cheerful about not stepping in. Express confidence that they'll do a good job.
• Hang in there, after a couple of close calls they'll get the idea.
• Give them public credit afterward – tell people that the youth did it themselves. That you did not ghost write it for them, etc.

Erroneous Risk Assessment and Mitigation #3: All or nothing.

Rarely is a situation strictly all or nothing, but is both a matter of probabilities and possible fixes. I once had a group of Trustees take away the church 15 passenger van because they saw a “60 Minutes” show “Dangerous at any speed” This was supposedly based on a NTSB study. None of the Trustees had read that report or even interested in doing so: Vans can be dangerous, therefore we do not use vans. The report actually said that SUVs were more likely to roll over than vans. The primary cause of vans rolling over was improperly inflated tires. Well that is certainly easy enough to fix! And the danger in a van that is rolling over is that an unbelted passenger can be thrown out and crushed. 80% of those who died in van accidents were not belted; 92% of those wearing belts in van accidents survived. Again, this is easy enough to fix! (I would give this statistic to my young passengers and all through the van you would hear “click.”) Because of the all or nothing approach, we had to stop using that van and pay a huge amount of money for a different type of 15 Passenger van. One that was probably at least as dangerous – but there wasn't a “60 Minutes” show on it.

• Can the danger be mitigated?
• Can a simple change reduce the risk to acceptable levels?

Get acquainted game: "Kent Guitar"

This is an old standard game, but in my group it came to be known as “Kent Guitar” because I always started the game with “Kent, Guitar.” We had two variations. Describing it in a minimal way:

1. “Mean Kent, Guitar”: first person give name and a characteristic, second person names the first person and characteristic and their own, eventually last person has to name everyone and their characteristic.
   
2. “Nice Kent, Guitar”: a sliding window where a person only has to name the 4 people to their right.