Parents and Discipline problems

When do you involve parents when a child is a discipline problem?

• As much as possible, avoid taking discipline problems to parents. Parents always say that they want to know if their child gets out of line, but they really don't mean it. Maybe 20% of the parents can handle a complaint, but you can't predict beforehand which are which. Sometimes the calmest most rational parent will flip out when their child is criticized.
  
  • The parents probably already have enough problems with the child and don't need you adding to the list.
    
  • The parents feel it is your job to solve your own problems.
    
  • It is embarrassing to them and they feel like a failure, which they don't like feeling and will blame you for making them feel that way.
    
  • The “protect the cubs from harm” instinct may kick in.
    
  • Even though they may attack you for attacking their child, they probably will take the child home and inflict serious punishment upon them, which hurts your relationship with the child.
    
• If a parent is going to hear about a problem regardless (police, sibling, rumor mill) then you do need to get to them first.
  
  • Don't just report the infraction, but report: “you may hear about … but [kid's name] and I have talked and worked out a solution. Everything is under control.”
    
  • Be sympathetic and listen if they need to talk, regardless if they attack or shed tears. “You and I have the same goal...”