When a student is infatuated with you

This happens, it can't be helped and is highly emotional if not overwhelming to the youth and needs to be dealt with carefully – but not too carefully. We just need to be prepared for this.  These comments apply to any gender combination.

• If they do not say or do anything overt, it is just an intuition on your part, do nothing.
  
  • You are not a mind-reader and it can be upsetting to the kid, regardless if you are right or wrong. if you try to address it directly.
    
  • The subject can be a general topic of learning and discussion in a group setting. The topic can be something like: “When we fall in love with someone we think is inappropriate.”
    
  • They WILL get over you. For many of them this is a passing phase, especially if they are middle adolescent.
    
• If they are physically aggressive, treat as any other youth that doesn't know proper boundaries. (This will be a later blog entry)
  
  • This may be all it is anyway.
    
  • You do not need to address any perceived underlying causes.
    
• When they verbally declare their love, there is no good response except no response at all. Smile and accept the comment as reasonable but otherwise do not comment on it.
  
  • Do not reject, be offended or react negatively. This will hurt and shame them to a destructive degree.
    
  • Do not respond in kind, even if you feel that way. This relationship cannot go beyond your relationship with even the most unlovable in your group. It is unkind to encourage the youth.
    
  • Do not interpret or discuss or psychoanalyze or tell them they will “get over it” – they will get over it, but at that moment they are not prepared to accept any rational comments.
    
  • If they cry or get angry, simply pat them and say “everything is OK.”
    
  • If they run away, stay with them and assure them that “everything is OK.”
    
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  Let the relationship continue as if it never happened, without reference, allusion or comment.  The student may subsequently be fearful that you will react negatively and reject them, so “business as usual” is very important. They will hopefully relax and get back into normality.
  
  • If the student gets aggressive or stalks you, that is a different subject. That is not “love” but a disorder and needs to be treated as such.