Pray for your youth

Have a list of all the youth, not just the “active” ones, and daily pray for them by name. If there are too many for one prayer, pray for them on a rotational basis.

Age appropriate expectations

Beware of expecting tall or early maturing youth to be older than they really are. Almost all 14 year olds are actually 14 year olds in mind, attitudes, thinking ability. Size has nothing to do with it. But at 14 you have some very small youth and some very big youth. They are almost all 14.

• The smaller, physically younger youth may be underestimated and may actually be intellectually more mature. As a result they may not be given the challenge and leadership opportunities they need.
  
• The larger, physically mature youth may get too much attention and asked unreasonable things, which is very stressful for them. The large kid needs to be allowed to be as immature as his/her peers.
  

Clingy or overly affectionate youth

A clingy or overly affectionate child.

• They are not “love starved” as is sometimes assumed. It usually means they are used to being loved and expect it from you too. Sometimes it is just a genetic personality trait or a result of parenting styles.
  
• You need to help “clingy” youth to learn to respect other people's personal space.
  
  • This is not done harshly, but gently, keeping them at an appropriate distance and only occasionally letting them make physical contact.
    
  • If necessary, when they are bothering other kids, you can be privately explicit with them: “many people get uncomfortable when someone gets too close or touches them; you need to back off a bit so you don't make them uncomfortable.” This will be embarrassing to them but is better than having them become ostracized.
    

Formal communications with youth

Communications

Means and methods of communications are changing so rapidly that I have no way of predicting what forms will be in use when you encounter these suggestions, so...

• Try to extract a principle from any anachronistic hints.
  
• Don't underestimate how terribly hard it is to communicate with the youth. There is a great deal of information overload and means of communication have fragmented with no one method being universal. The trend is toward point-to-point communication such as texting rather than mass communication such as email.
  
• You can do your youth a favor by stressing that if they are going to interact or get along with the adult world (Colleges, jobs, etc) they have to use email. They should check their email addresses no less than once a day.
  
• Create Facebook groups for the different age groups for your church. This allows sending a single message to all those who join that group.
  
• As Twitter continues to expand this is a good way to communicate with a specialized or generalized group
• Newsletters and mailings are mostly for the parents. A youth might see a postcard.
  
  
  

Being a Surrogate parent

Youths, particularly middle adolescents (14-16), tend to relate to an adult in the same fashion as they do their parent of the same gender. If they are having a good relationship with their father they will probably have a good relationship with a male sponsor. If they are having a stormy relationship with their mother they will probably have a stormy relationship with a female sponsor. It doesn't mean that they “love” you or “hate” you. They are acting out their relationship with their parent. Be patient with them and don't take it too seriously.

Suicide

Depression is common among youth and suicide is the number two killer of youth. These are major topics and it is important that all who are ultimately responsible for of group a youth have training and knowledge. My hints are mainly reinforcing some of the basics and are not comprehensive.

• Teach the basic signs of depression and suicide to the youth. Recognize that if they are also getting this in school, you don't have to spend too much time on it. Do add a religious perspective.
  
• No matter what our training and experience, if professional counseling is not our full time job, then our job is to recognize when a youth is in trouble and to get them to professional help. It is not our job to “save” a youth by ourselves. We can, however, be a part of a team.
  
• Always take suicidal comments seriously. Never assume they are not serious or doing it just for the attention. You cannot afford to be wrong.
  
• Make responses to any suicidal seeming comments by a youth quietly and as privately as possible. They don't need public attention nor humiliation.
  
• Learn the signs of depression and suicide, but recognize that some people never show any signs. You cannot be responsible for “missing the signs.”
  
• Teens are impulsive and sometimes do things on the spur of the moment.
  
• Keep in mind that when a seriously depressed youth is suddenly “at peace,” even happy, they have quite likely settled on suicide as the solution to their problems. That person may be in imminent danger, do not leave alone; ask what their plans are; get help. This probability is even more so if the person is going to all their friends and loved ones, essentially if not explicitly saying good-bye to them. People in this stage also tend to give away valuables.
  
• Suicidal people really want to live, they just don't know how to live with the pain they are in.
  
• Proverb though it may be, it is a worthy message to repeat often in the presence of youth: “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”
  
• Do not suggest that there is an easy solution to their problems or that their problems are “normal” or “trivial.”
  
• If you feel that you need to act: Speak directly and clearly; ask if the have a plan; be willing to listen to the feelings, rather than being sympathetic to their woes; be caring and sorry that they have woes; be non-judgmental (This is not the time to debate whether suicide is moral or not); don't give advice or solutions to their problems; don't ask “why”; don't be sworn to secrecy -- “I'd rather have you alive even if you hate me”; insist on taking them to a counselor, rather than just giving them a phone number to call.
  
• Suicidal people normally will take direction and guidance – they really want another way out.
  

Risk assessment on trips

On a trip, whether short or long, whether close or a long way away, always take time to do some risk assessment so that you are prepared. See post: https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4916279693530706050&pli=1#editor/target=post;postID=6167297282748133231;onPublishedMenu=overviewstats;onClosedMenu=overviewstats;postNum=68;src=postnamek

• Make sure all staff know what the risks are and what to look out for.
  
• Have a plan of action for times when things go awry.
  
  • Do you have the equipment and supplies needed for the potential danger?
    
  • Is there help available nearby (or near enough for the potential danger)?
    
  • Do you have enough staff so that if you have to take someone to the hospital for physical risk situations or do emergency counseling and consoling for emotional or spiritual risk situations?
    
  • What if there are two injuries?
    
• Get advice from ground zero. If there is a question about the safety of an activity or a location (such as the Mexican Border), locate and call some neutral parties who have done the activity or who live in the specific area in question. Get their assessment (recognizing that it would not be wise for them to say that something is completely safe). Sometimes things look more dangerous from a distance and after sweeping and sensational news reports.
  

Keeping track of a group

What are some of the basics of being responsible for a the health and well being of a group youth? When are we being over protective and when are we being overly nonchalant? Again, it is a balancing act trying not to be too restrictive by being both aware and in charge of each situation. Some of the rules are just a matter of being alert and cost nothing.

• Make it a habit of counting heads constantly and at each change in the situation. This costs nothing, makes sure that no one has wandered off or gotten lost, and assures everyone that you are in control of the situation. This can become a standing joke. Which is fine.
  
• Count off games and techniques are just fine, but can get annoying when done too often, so quietly count most of the time.
  
• One of the adults with the group needs to know where every youth is at every moment. Parents usually frown on it when a phone call asking to speak to a youth gets a response: “Well, give me an hour or two and I might be able to locate your child.”
  

Signature activities

Signature activities are the things that identify you as a unique, individual leader. They make you and your ministry memorable.

• Establish a few “signature” activities or quirks that are identified with you and are unique to you.
  
• Establish a few “signature” activities that are unique to each event or activity that become a part of the “mystique” of that event.
  
• I'm very skeptical of “initiation” activities because these usually are demeaning
  
• A few examples of signature activities:
  
  • Have a special closing for each event.
    
  • A special, unique style or location for a Communion service
    
  • A particular game, such as Sardines which is only played on trips or on a particular trip
    
  • Unique “insider” vocabulary We used “No Plutoing” as a way of saying “no put-downs” (Pluto the planet was put-down by scientists)
    
  • When certain conditions are met (10 or fewer show up for a meeting) then a special activity will spontaneously occur (go out for ice cream).
    
  • Perhaps have a particularly obnoxious wake up method for overnights (I sing, as obnoxiously as possible the “Birdie song” – although they complain, they also talk about it year round and sing it themselves regularly).
    
  • On a trip, if there is a particular landmark, I point it out to them every time we pass it (“On the right is the Black Mountain Presbyterian Church”). After a couple of dozen times, and much consternation, I'll skip it once and they'll point it out.
    
  • Koosh Balls. These are safe in every setting, eazy to carry (2-3 in your pockets, a clutch of them in your backpack) and kids like playing with them. Wash in a mixture of bleach and water.
    
  • I once complained that I was really tired of playing guitar on “One Tin Soldier.” We now have a running, teasing, “argument” over singing this song: They insist on doing it, I thrash around saying how many 1000 times I've done it. In the end they “win” and we do it. It is a standing joke.
    
  • Take detours and back routes, even drive in circles when traveling – see if they notice.
    
  • Have a pet that they get to interact with.
    

Being the adult in the relationship

You will be a role model for your youth, this means you must be a good one. You need to always be the adult in the relationship

• Show them love and respect and commitment so that they will show these things to each other and you.
  
• Don't let their adulation go to your head. It doesn't mean anything, they are just being adolescent.
  
• On the other hand, you don't have to react to insults, put downs, and personal attacks. They are children, what does it matter if they get tacky some times? Just ignore these childish comments.
  
• Be a clear example of a Christian adult. Expect the same of your adults sponsors.
  
• You need to remain the adult at all times, but especially in disputes and discipline issues. Look at the situation and decide if it is worth a struggle or it is simply a power struggle or a minor issue. (“In the scale of eternity, winning this battle is...”).
  
• They will be volatile, so no one interaction means that much. If they go berserk one week, they may be kind and caring the next – give them that opportunity to be changeable. Do not lock them into a stereotypes based on one bad day.
  

When a student is infatuated with you

This happens, it can't be helped and is highly emotional if not overwhelming to the youth and needs to be dealt with carefully – but not too carefully. We just need to be prepared for this.  These comments apply to any gender combination.

• If they do not say or do anything overt, it is just an intuition on your part, do nothing.
  
  • You are not a mind-reader and it can be upsetting to the kid, regardless if you are right or wrong. if you try to address it directly.
    
  • The subject can be a general topic of learning and discussion in a group setting. The topic can be something like: “When we fall in love with someone we think is inappropriate.”
    
  • They WILL get over you. For many of them this is a passing phase, especially if they are middle adolescent.
    
• If they are physically aggressive, treat as any other youth that doesn't know proper boundaries. (This will be a later blog entry)
  
  • This may be all it is anyway.
    
  • You do not need to address any perceived underlying causes.
    
• When they verbally declare their love, there is no good response except no response at all. Smile and accept the comment as reasonable but otherwise do not comment on it.
  
  • Do not reject, be offended or react negatively. This will hurt and shame them to a destructive degree.
    
  • Do not respond in kind, even if you feel that way. This relationship cannot go beyond your relationship with even the most unlovable in your group. It is unkind to encourage the youth.
    
  • Do not interpret or discuss or psychoanalyze or tell them they will “get over it” – they will get over it, but at that moment they are not prepared to accept any rational comments.
    
  • If they cry or get angry, simply pat them and say “everything is OK.”
    
  • If they run away, stay with them and assure them that “everything is OK.”
    
• 
  Let the relationship continue as if it never happened, without reference, allusion or comment.  The student may subsequently be fearful that you will react negatively and reject them, so “business as usual” is very important. They will hopefully relax and get back into normality.
  
  • If the student gets aggressive or stalks you, that is a different subject. That is not “love” but a disorder and needs to be treated as such.
    
  
  

Testing the development level of a group

When working with a newly formed group, like a Confirmation class, have a time early on (I like having a lock-in for this purpose) to determine what kind of group it is and where they generally stand developmentally.

• One classic developmental test is posing the conundrum “Can God create a rock too large for God to lift... but if God is all-powerful, God should be able to lift it.” Younger youth with a concrete view of God will struggle with this and try to solve it, older youth will think it is a dumb question.
  
• A game can be devised where subgroups compete for points by being the first to come forward with the correct answer to questions (possibly fun questions) that tell you what they know and how they think.
  
• I usually have an “unusual foods” snack time to see how they do with change and challenge.
  
• A formal “brainstorming” session can test for creativity.
  
• I will assign groups dividing them into different sizes and mixes of groups and then assign a leader for each group, giving as many of them as possible a leadership role. Then the sponsors and I would watch to see who works well as a leader and who doesn't.
  

Food allergies

Recognition of food allergies is a new phenomenon, but pervasive. It is now a significant part of youth ministry.

• Gather health forms for all participating youth at the first of the school or program year and check for food allergies.
  
• You may have to ask peanut people directly about the level of their allergy: can they touch peanut butter? can they be in the same room with it?
  
• Find out from lactose intolerant people whether they carry tablets for neutralizing lactose or whether they need alternative foods.
  
• Alert all cooks about specific allergies early on.
  
• Keep the packaging of all processed foods to show kids with food allergies. Most modern youth with food allergies are good at reading ingredient lists and recognizing which ingredients affect them.
  
• It is not politically correct to ask a parent to bring alternative food for a child: however, given a chance to offer, most parents will offer to send something for their allergic child.
  
• Keep an antihistamine and 911 handy at all times, be alert to wheezing and gasping and a panicked look on a kid's face and act quickly.
  
• Always have some sweet foods, especially hard candies handy for several kinds of medical conditions.
  

Remaining above suspicion

Staying out of suspicion of inappropriate behavior takes work. The fact that this is currently a double standard, with males being under greater observation and suspicion doesn't matter. These are the facts. In this area society can and does change the rules suddenly and apply them retroactively, so youth workers need to be squeaky clean. Female youth workers may suddenly come under suspicion also, so they should work under the same restrictions and practices as their male counterparts already have to work under.

• Always have adults of both genders present whenever there are youth present.
  
• Never be completely alone with a youth. Out of hearing range, perhaps, but not out of eyesight.
  
• When counseling, the room should have a window and people around. In an emergency, have a spouse or other adult come along. They can be in an adjoining room but the youth should know of this person's presence.
  
• At this time, games need to avoid or disallow “touching” (For example, “If you love me honey, smile.”)
  
• Today, females usually feel most comfortable getting counseling from a female, and males usually feel most comfortable getting counseling from a male. They all prefer getting serious counseling from someone they won't see outside of the office.
  
• And now for the most controversial hint: Again and again I have been counseled by legal people and ecclesiastical officials that if it comes down to choosing to help a youth in a life threatening situation (like suicide) but it would mean being alone with the youth, just call 911 and hope for the best. For me this is like the Priest walking on the other side of road in the Good Samaritan story. To save the life of a youth I will risk sacrificing my career. However, in 40 years of ministry it came down to that decision only twice. Choose carefully and wisely.
  

A special post in light of the Boston Marathon bombing

You may need to send out a facebook/tweet/email to the group saying that you are around if they need to talk.  At the next gathering, bring up the bombing.  Analyzing the possible political implications is not helpful (and usually wrong).  Let kids talk, without countering or correcting.  If someone gives bad information, correct it or ask where they got the information.  Have a calm, mostly silent prayer for the victims.  Pray for peace (without giving a definition).

Psalm 42, Psalm 37, Hebrews 12, 2 Peter 3:14-18

The real issue for many youth is that things like this destabilize -- they wonder if they can trust the world at all.  They need to come to the conclusion that the world is MOSTLY trustworthy and that events like this are both rare and unpredictable.   They cannot pull out of life because of them.

Fads and trends

All the manuals insist that you keep up with the youth's culture but remain authentically your own age. You are to be “in the world, but not of it...” This is sometimes vague and sometimes easier said than done. Here are a few observations on this oxymoron.

• Read the youth work trade magazines which always have sections on the youth culture.
  
• Listen to the kids talk. Listen for what groups, musicians, actors, movies, books, etc are the current buzz.
  
• Familiarize yourself with these fads.
  
  • Come to appreciate what they see in it. Even if it may be dumb from your perspective, it has value to them.
    
  • You don't have to embrace the fad or buy into it. In fact, one of the purposes of these things is to differentiate themselves from the older generations (you!). Give them that. It is important. But you need to be able to talk intelligently about these fads. This shows that you care for and respect the youth.
    
• Speak openly of your preferences in music, etc., but don't try to convert the youth to your preferences.
  
  • If you respect their tastes, they'll respect you – and your tastes. Be prepared to listen to their music, watch their movies without judgment.
    
  • You can, however, make comments about content. Hip Hop is good music, but some Hip Hop music promotes violence. Comment on the violence not the musical form.
    
  • Find examples of music and artists that are acceptable to both the youth and you to promote these.
    
  • If you have a music night, bring a piece of music that is authentically yours.
    

Own children in a group (pt 2)

At one time or another many youth workers have their own children in whatever group we are working with. However, this causes some difficult complications in relationships. Admittedly these guidelines are easier said than put into practice.

• If you wouldn't allow something for some other youth, it can't be allowed for your child (while in the group). If something is ok for another kid in the group it is ok for your child.
  
• Just because you know your child's preferences this should not affect your decision making whether it is a type of activity or a type of snack food.
  
• Enlist another adult to be a surrogate parent when you are on duty. This is not only healthy and helpful at the time but can lead to a good long term relationship with a caring adult, which every youth needs.
  

You will be a role model for your youth, this means you must be a good one.

• Live by a higher standard. It may be legal for you to drink alcohol, for example, but is that the kind of example you want to give? They will take it as “all right” and ignore the legal or health issues.
  
• Think about what values you want to promote, then try to live by these values.
  
• Sometimes you will fail to be a good role model, so be a good role model in that failure.
• Admitting you are wrong works wonders.
• Explicitly point out when your behavior has been less than what you expect of them and you.
• Ask them to help you in an area of weakness (“Don't let me eat another doughnut!”).

Professional travel equipment

Even if you are a volunteer youth worker, you are a “professional” at camping, sleeping on church floors, playing active games, working on mission sites. Buy professional level equipment and clothes for these situations.

• You don't want to mess with air-mattresses on a trip, and they usually have a hole in them anyway. Get a backpacker's pad.
  
• Good boots, gloves for warmth, gloves for work, non-fog safety goggles.
  
• Get a sleeping bag warm enough for really cold weather. Also get a lightweight sleeve that can add warmth in the sleeping bag, and that can be used as a light covering outside of the bag in warmer weather.
  
• Rather than a full pillow, bring a small pad and use your backpack or dirty clothes bag as the basic pillow.
  
• Carry Lamb's Wool (used by dancers) to pack around “hot spots” on your feet to avoid blisters.
  
• Layer clothes for changing temperatures through the day.
  
• Invest in a good Poncho or other quality rain gear.
  

Preparatory meetings for major youth trips

Everyone going on a major event or trip need to hear the same rules and information.

• Currently it may be impossible to get everyone together at the same time and place. This means make-up meetings.
  
  • This is a huge pain and it may mean 2-3 times repeating the same information.
    
  • But otherwise you are set up for a series of “you never told me that,” “why?” “that's not fair,” etc. You'll get those phrases regardless but you have no comeback or defense if, indeed, you never told them.
    
• You need to pretty much say the same things in the same way, otherwise the kids will identify the differences and use these to their advantage.
• These meetings should include get acquainted exercises, descriptions of exactly what will happen, exact rules and expectations, any cultural training needed, information gathering (cell number's and SMS information, email addresses, special food or other requirements), question answering.
• For major events this may require more than one meeting.
• For major events, one meeting should include parents or there can be a separate parent meeting. Most of the meeting(s) should NOT include parents.

Feeding groups on trips

These suggestions mostly come from my wife Margo, who became a specialist of feeding groups of 20-30 on week long trips.

• Get a list of food allergies and preferences early. Determine if there are any vegetarians in the group.
  
  • For both the allergic and the vegetarians, determine the level of concern (e.g. can a peanut person be in the same room with peanut butter, can the vegetarian accept a broth).
    
• Make it clear that you can't and won't even try to please everyone. However, no one will go hungry unless they choose to do so.
  
• Outside of medical requirements, go with majorities. If only one person wants whole milk, don't buy whole milk (even if that one person is you or your child!).
  
• Buy plentifully for the first day and then assess the group's eating habits. It is hard to know in advance or just by looking at a group if they are big eaters or light eaters (some little girls can pack away an amazing amount of food), picky or ravenous. You can also get a feel for this by watching how much they eat on the ride to the destination.
  
• Stay with basic “kid” food, and avoid less universal foods. At home each of them will get a variety of more exotic foods, but no two families have the same exotic foods and therefore stay with the “least common denominator.”
  

The Topics list

Just to make sure, have you noticed the “Topics” list way down the right side of the main page? These pull together all the posts relating to particular topics. Click on “trips” and you have everything I've posted, so far, on youth trips. These, will of course keep accumulating, so check back from time to time, or when a particular topic becomes an issue for you.

Kent

Handling cash on trips and events

Cash can quickly become a problem on a trip and having accurate accounting of it difficult.  Here are some things I did to keep things straight in the midst of chaos.


• Be sure to plan ahead to get a cash check cut by the bookkeeper.
  
• Make a list of cash allocations (cooks = $1000; 6^th grade small group $200...).
  
• Put cash in money envelopes (from the bank or you can buy bill sized manila envelopes).
  
• Number envelopes to correspond with the list, put amount and purpose on outside.
  
• Each person with an envelope is to write on the outside of the envelope the itemized amounts spent and for what purposes.
  
• If there are receipts, they are to be put in the envelope.
  Have those issued envelopes tally and balance the envelope.
• Collect all the envelopes before the end of the event – once the staff leave with the envelopes it will be difficult to get them back.
  

When to leave a group:

There sometimes comes the time... alright, there frequently comes the time when you are ready to pack it in and leave a youth group or church.  A few basic principles about when:

• Never leave mad. We all get mad at a church or youth group from time to time, then things get better. Make it a policy that you will never choose to leave when you are upset with a group or a church. (Fantasize about it, of course, just don't act on it.)
• When a situation is untenable, make sure it is the situation and the institution that forces it, not your current emotional state.
• Even if it is someone's “fault” that you are leaving – you feel like you are being driven out – blaming is of no value. Just because you are hurt and upset is no reason to sour your youth on the church. This can have long lasting negative repercussions on their faith and you don't want that. You may not be stuck there but they are. Do not bias them against the church or involve them in church politics.

Laundry on trips

Try to find laundry facilities where you will be staying or nearby. If it is residential type laundry, a team will need to cycle clothing on a daily basis. If it is a commercial facility then a team can do it all in one evening (once or twice in a week).

• This can be actually a fun, group building outing as they spend time together and get to talk.
  
• Give this team a special treat of some sort. They can probably go out for ice cream while waiting for the wash cycle.
  
• If it is a large group with lots of laundry you may need to do the laundry over two days or have two groups go out to two laundromats.
  
• Current sensibilities are such that you should recommend that everyone bring enough underwear for the week and plan on having outerwear washed once or twice during the week.
  

Support parents

Say and believe that your job is to support the family not oppose it. No matter what happens, you cannot replace the parents. Your job is to supplement their parenting not hinder them.

Many parents worry about your judging them, that you know too much about them and their family (and only from the child's perspective), that you will encourage their children to oppose them, or even come between them and their children.

• These attitudes can be irrational but very real. You have to work at countering these ideas.
  
• No matter what you may know or suspect, be kind and loving to parents and show no signs of knowing anything other than what can be seen publicly.
  
• Keep in mind that there are at least two sides to every story. If you have only heard one perspective you do not have the complete picture.
  

The reason we work with parents

Alienate the parents and your work with their children is over. Help the parents and you are helping the youth.


Always keep in mind that you see a different person in parents' adolescents than they see. They see their child at their worst and you see them at their best. Keep telling the parents positive things about their children – they need to hear these things even if they find them hard to believe.

Accounting for major events

There should be a clear, separate accounting of major events and trips.

• This serves several purposes, including giving budgeting information for future events (how much does it cost to feed the group), prevents surprise draws on the regular budget, and answers any questions or doubts about the finances.
  
• Set up a spread-sheet as a template that makes this easy.
  
  • The “profit/loss” cell then becomes the amount you can expect to affect your overall ministry finances.
    
  • As a part of the spreadsheet have columns that breaks down any checks that will need to be cut (credit card, one of the counselors, etc).
    

At some point I may make a sample spread-sheet available to blog participants

Youth Room Rules

Youth Room Rules

Since this is a complete document, I thought I would offer it intact, with formatting, to anyone who wants to see it – it might not be universally interesting. To do this, if you'll (go to my blog page, if you are getting a feed of some sort) and leave a comment with your email address. This is a moderated blog which means the comment will never be posted (unless you are actually giving a comment). I will then email the document to you. I promise that I will not send anything else to your email address: no ads, promos, phishing items or viruses – just the document. I probably will offer other complete documents like this in the future, and will use the same method.

Kent

Setting time boundaries.

Setting time boundaries.

• Learn to ignore pressure, like the phone calls and emails. Even if others are not recognizing our boundaries, we need to still have them. Respond when it is appropriate to do so and in a way that is appropriate.
• Be blunt when telling someone that you can't get to something until... or can't take on a task, or can't make an event/meeting/etc You don't have to be defensive or apologetic, just matter-of-fact but sympathetic. I'll tell people that "that night is my only night home and I need to be home with my wife that night" -- no matter how important the event that I'm turning down is.
• As a general practice the church should not have more than 1 program staff person at any event/activity/meeting. There are exceptions (morning worship) but there is too much to do to have staff doubling up. Even if it is something I like and would be fine to be at, if if another staff person is going to be there I'll plan on being elsewhere.

Crazy parents

Crazy parents. Yes, sometimes you get one parent or a couple that has major “issues” unrelated to you or their children.

• These are not common, so don't write off every parent that gives you trouble as “crazy.”
  
• When parents flip out, don't take it seriously unless they are right.
  
  • If they are right, accept the criticism, apologize and learn from it.
    
  • Often, when they come down from whatever set them off, they go on as if nothing happened. You need to also.
    
• We cannot solve whatever problem is causing the trouble. No matter how badly we feel for the children of such a parent, unless they are abusive enough you are ready to report them to the police, there is little you can do. Love the kids, listen to them, let it be.
  
• “Taking on” a crazy parent will probably mean their taking you out. They can be quite vindictive.
  

Disabilities, pt 3

Take the time to think through how you need to adjust your interactions.

• Do you need to practice always facing directly a hearing impaired person so they can see your lips?
• Do you need to speak more slowly?
• Do you need to review jokes, common phrases, or smart remarks that might be hurtful?
• Help others interact appropriately. Do this privately so it doesn't embarrass either party.