Games Students Play -- "Why don't you/Yes but"

(Be sure you have read the introduction to these "games":Games Students Play)

This is an adult/youth game, usually between parent and child but also between youth leader and youth. The "game" (ritualized interaction) is established when the youth approaches the adult with a problem. (e.g. "Mr. Kent, I can't organize the car wash tomorrow like I said I would. My parents are taking me out of town.") The adult then gives helpful suggestions for solving the problem ("why don't you ask them if you can stay with your friend Billy"). They then give a reason why this won't work ("Yes, but Billy is going out of town also"). This suggestion/excuse combination goes on for awhile until the adult runs out of ideas, get frustrated and stomps off to go solve the problem. The adult's payoff is the feeling that they tried, the youth's pay off is that they get out of the problem or have pre-established an excuse and don't have to think about it or feel guilty

To break up this game, don't start with a "why don't you" but, "Oh, OK, how are you going to solve this problem." Beware of starting the reverse game of "I can try/that won't work" where the youth gives unworkable ideas that the adult has to reject. To break this game, say: "OK, you can give that a try,,," This allows the youth to reject their own suggestion and go for something more practical.