Leaving a group, pt 1: basics

These comments are mostly directed to people who have a deep and long term relationship with a group and are leaving them forever. The most common situation is the “youth minister” moving on to another calling elsewhere. However, there are hints that apply to less dramatic situations.

• Leaving a group of youth is different than leaving a church. There are different rules that apply.
  
• The best time to leave is when things are going well and stable.
  
• Don't be in a hurry to leave, a group of youth need long time relationships, not annual ones.
  
• Allow about a month between the announcement and your actual departure. This gives time for one-on-one leave taking and gives them time to adjust and stop thinking about it. Youth adjust to new things fairly rapidly. By the end of the month they'll be fine about your leaving.
  
• Recognize that children and younger youth mourn differently than adults. They mourn in bursts: sudden sadness, then quickly moving on. Older youth will be more pensive and want to think through implications. All will view it from their own point-of-view and assess the changes in terms of how it will affect them personally.
  
• They will want an explanation that makes sense to them: money, family obligations, etc. They may want to blame someone, the church, themselves, etc. They probably won't understand or accept “I've been called to another church” or other theological explanations. They'll probably grab onto one explanation that is satisfying and hold on to it for dear life.
  
• Make sure they have a healthy positive explanation to hold on to. If you are leaving mad, it does the youth a disservice to convey that.