When you “fall in love with” or are physically attracted to a youth

Of course this is a complicated topic and every situation is different (yeah, yeah) and generalizations will often be written off as mere generalizations. Whole books can be written on the subject. However, I will take a stab at reducing this topic to practical “hints.” Be sure to check my other hints on appropriate behavior (use the topical index to isolate those hints). 
I will present here a variety of hints on how to deal with inappropriate feelings. Not all will be useful for any one person. Find the ones that work for you.
I should also point out that although historically this has been viewed as a male issue, we are discovering that it is also a female leader's concern. There are differences, but a lot of the hints are equally applicable without reference to gender and because of the variations in humans I think it would not be possible to say that one hint is only applicable to one gender. Although I generally post one or two hints at a time, I will post all my (current) thinking on this subject all at once.

One item that is not on this list is “will power” as in, “just be strong and ignore your feelings.” Will power is a not a reliable strategy.

• Keep in mind that we humans can talk ourselves into anything. No matter how unreasonable or improper or … anything, we can decide that it is somehow reasonable. We need outside criteria or judgments to challenge our wishes.
• If you were to reveal your feelings to: a spouse, supervisor, confident, or almost anyone else, would they agree with your wishes or take you up side the head? If the latter, then you know that your wishes are stupid, no matter how strong they are.
• Keep in mind that any adolescent “in love” with you:
  • is an adolescent and can fall out of love with you in a heart beat. This can leave you hanging out to dry, as they say.
  • It is likely that power relationships may be a primary factor: people often are attracted to people in power. This is the classic “sexual abuse” scenario. This isn't love and it is totally inappropriate to take advantage of your power over them.
  • may have a hidden agenda. Some youths, even seemingly innocent youths, can have really dark and manipulative motives. You just can't trust a situation where you can be the victim.
  • has (not probably – this is a given) an unrealistic and idealized view of you. You are not who they are in love with, but an imaginary you. If you allow them to play out their fantasies they may be horrified by the real you.
  • because you may be a “safe” object of their love. They may not trust their peers or have had a bad experience with one or more peer, or they are new and inexperienced at this “love” stuff and they fall in love with someone they can trust to not do anything. Younger adolescent are most likely to look for safe loves. Again, they really don't want you to act on their admiration.
• Your view of the youth is probably idealized and a fantasy, rather than based on reality. It is fine to fantasize, but don't don't take it seriously.
• It is not reasonable to work under the assumption that a relationship can be kept a secret. No matter how hard you plan, somehow it will be leaked/guessed/revealed. Then what?
• You think you can talk your way out of any situation. Ha! Not in the current environment.
• You are in love? So what? You and they have a long life ahead – you both will love again (and again, and again). If this is not a reasonable permanent relationship – and it is not – let it go. Heartache is beside the point and quite endurable
• Picture your relationship in 10 years; in 30 years; in 50 years. What will it look like. If you care for the kid, are you willing to subject them to pain and misery later in life?
• Are you willing to sacrifice your career, family, way of life for an adolescent?