Kidnap a kid surprise activity (don't guess what this means, read it)

The Surprise:

This is an old standby used for years by church youth groups. If used carefully it is a worthwhile idea. Because this idea has been used rather widely, however, it has been misused many times and has a bad reputation in some circles. As with all ideas on this , this idea simply needs to be used with some sensitivity. See below for some of the fishhooks in the activity.

How to do the Surprise:

Determine that someone needs to be at the meeting but may not be coming or hasn't come. If the group has a good relationship with the person in question and the person has a reasonably good sense of humor, then call the person and say "we're coming to get you, get your shoes on." Listen to excuses and assess the seriousness of them – they may legitimately need to miss the meeting. On the other hand, they might also appreciate the attention and a break from whatever they are doing. If you are kidnapping more than one person, be sure to mention that and the reason for the action. If this is being used as a recruitment tool, say so. The more honest you are with the person, the better they will feel about it, even if they end up turning you down.

What to avoid:

Undue or overbearing pressure. You want the person to feel special, not abused. Sometimes the desire to carry out a program of this sort (it is fun for all) can blind people to the victim's real needs or concerns. If they are adamant about not coming, honor that decision.

• Be sensitive to parent issues, ask the person in question to "tell your parents that we're coming" in case a parent has grounded that youth for next 15 years and will be gracious but furious when you have undercut their decision.
• Over use, which dulls the impact and makes victims feel less important rather than more important – viewing it as just one more "program" of the church.
• Kidnapping a person, then ignoring them once they are at the meeting. Maybe the reason they weren't coming is that they didn't feel comfortable with the group in the first place. Unless such problems are dealt with, the kidnapping will simply be social abuse.
• As a part of the process, humiliating a kid or making them feel guilty for having missed the meeting. Some youth turn "we miss you" into an accusatory "why aren't you here?" It is important that the conversation telling them of their approaching kidnapping be positive, lighthearted and caring. Let them know in words and inflection that they are missed and that you will go out of your way to have them come – if it is all right with them.
• Beware of having special kidnap evenings where a number of people are picked up. If someone hears about it that was not kidnapped, they may have their feelings hurt for being left out.

Variations:

• A non-meeting event, like going out for ice cream.
• An event where having additional people is important such as a work project or a special game.
• Have everyone in the group each call and go get one other person.