The task of Adolescence is to become independent: Implication #3

Although they go through predictable stages, the way the stage plays out varies. Repeated studies have shown that 15 year olds are negative, self-deprecating and rebellious. But when dealing with a specific youth, averages are meaningless.

In one Sunday School class of 15 year olds, you may have one who is hateful and challenging of authority, one disruptive, one self-critical and negative, one that feels persecuted, one who has suddenly turned quiet and sullen, and several who show no signs of rebellion. And collectively they may be holy terrors. So is the information of developmental psychology of any value.

Yes, it helps us to understand that each of these reactions are normal. A normally upbeat and happy child can have a bad year, being quiet and sullen. Given half a chance they and you will live through it. It also helps us to have a light touch when a youth is going through a negative stage.

By the way: an overly simplistic explanation for some of the negative stages is that something about their development (anything from to developing mental capacity to hormones to feet that have suddenly grown) has disrupted their view of themselves and their world. This makes them uncomfortable and they need time to work out a new understanding of self and world. If they realize they will never clear 5'6” they may have to give up their dream of being a basketball star. That is not easy to accept!